6. God Is With Us - Casting Crowns

¹⁴Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Look, the young woman^* is with child and shall bear a son, and shall name him Immanuel.^*  Isaiah 7:14


Blessed Christmas to you all~
Andrea

But Who May Abide the Day of His Com

Looking back...looking forward

^{14 -16} "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"

Psalm 91  The Message

Today's posting is a bit rambling, so I'll warn you in advance.  For those of you who've been following this blog for the past 6 months or more, the fact that I'm rambling will be nothing new to you :-)

Today is one of those days that sticks out for me. It is a day that causes me to look back at the past year, past decade, my whole life past, and take stock.  Today I turn 45 years old.

When I was 18, I never pictured myself at this age.  I've never really had much of a vision of being around for a long time, and back then, 45 was a long time for me.

Ten years ago, I was just starting interim ministry and just beginning to really find the joy and intrigue in that work.  I had, in my mind, another 25 years of ministry left, and it was looking promising.

Five years ago, one of my life-long, dear friends and I talked about getting in shape and participating in a tri-athalon. I remembered that this morning as I wrestled to stand in the shower.  I also thought of her, and hope that she's closer to that goal than I am today.

A year ago...I had just started to wrestle with disability, and knew it was going to take more than a few months to heal, but truly expected to have this illness managed by my 45th birthday and be well on my way to the next stage in my life.

Today I do not have illness managed, and have in fact, been wrestling with intestinal/abdominal issues for a couple of months. It has drained the energy I had, and has kept me from doing some very important things, like Thanksgiving with my family in Michigan, seeing my son play his basketball games, writing on this blod every day, and being able to focus on things other than doctors, appointments and illness.

If I let it, these thoughts of being in a different place than I expected could make for a lousy birthday... (and could make for a real downer of a blog post ;-P ).  But as I've said before...every day we have choices that can make a difference.  Even on our 45th (or 15th, or 95th) birthdays.

You see, because today is also a day that I look forward to the next year, the next decade, the next half of this life I've been gifted with. And the words of the Psalmist give me hope. "Call me, and I'll answer" God says through the Psalmist. 

As I look to the next year, I realize how much I've grown in faith this past 365 days.  My "calling upon God" has been frequent, and often loud...and it has also been often answered.  God has spoken through scripture, through friends in Christ, through blog readers, who, at a time unbeknownst to them, became an answer to prayer. Other times, God blessed me with the marinating richness of silence in response to my cries.  That too, has made me who I am this day... 

As I look ahead to the next half of my life (ok... I'm choosing to be optimistic here -- LOL)  ...as I look ahead, I don't yet know the path that will come, but I sense purpose, closeness with God, and the warmth and joy that comes out of living out your own special gifts for the sake of others.

As I look ahead to the next decade, I see joyful times:  two children in High School, celebrating 25 years of marriage with the love of my life, two kids graduating, and then moving on to become the people they've been made to be.  I see myself participating fully with these dear ones, and it fills me with joy.

As I look ahead to the next year... now that's where the rubber hits the road, doesn't it?  Our birthdays, our decades...our lifetimes are really lived out one year...one day at a time, aren't they?  It is in the daily (sometimes even hourly) choices that we make that we become the people that we are.

I don't have control over events around me, or honestly, even the health inside of me at this point, but I do have control over how I'll respond to the changes ahead.

This year I choose to live:

As if each day were my last. Full of gratitude for those who have touched my life, and for the new people I get to meet.

I choose to live as a child of God; forgiven, beloved, full of wonder and curiousity and made to be a light for others.

I choose to live as one who treasures the present abilities of my body, not bemoaning what I can no longer do, but celebrating and working to increase what I am able to do.

I choose to live frugally- of my time, of our resources and in other ways-- clearing the clutter out of my mind, my habits, our house, and trying to surround myself and those I love with ideas and objects of value and healing.

I choose to print out this blog to remind myself of these choices in the coming year... ok, you got me-- to remind myself tomorrow!! LOL

Finally, I choose to live a life of love and compassion. The past year, in particular, has shown me more than ever before, that many, many people are facing a difficult road in life. A listening ear, non-judgemental support and care has helped me make it to 45, and perhaps I can help lighten the load for someone else in the same way, as God opens my heart to hear others that  also cry out to God for help.

If you've continued reading to this point, I want to thank you. Thank you for sharing this rambling birthday blog with me. Thank you for allowing me this blog as a place to share faith and hope, even in the midst of difficulties. Thank you for sharing the gifts that make you uniquely YOU.

Peace today and in the year ahead,
Andrea

Haendel - Messiah - Comfort ye my people

Comfort, O comfort my people,
   says your God.
² Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
   and cry to her
that she has served her term,
   that her penalty is paid,
that she has received from the Lord’s hand
   double for all her sins.

³ A voice cries out:
‘In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord,
   make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
⁴ Every valley shall be lifted up,
   and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
   and the rough places a plain.

Isaiah 40:1-4

There are two pieces of Handel's Messiah that follow- as musically they are almost one piece.  This is from a BBC documentary and the comments at the beginning are almost as beautiful as the music. Peace to you in this Advent season-
Andrea

Every valley shall be exalted- Messiah, Haendel.

1. Sinfonia (Overture). Messiah, G. F. Handel. AD LIBITUM. Francesc Gamon

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ²He was in the beginning with God. ³All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being ⁴in him was life,^* and the life was the light of all people. ⁵The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
John 1:1-5

Jason Gray - Remind Me Who I Am

"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love.
   ^{11 -15}"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.
   ¹⁶"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you..."  John 15:9-16a  The Message

Turn around...God!

Psalm 80

   ^{1 -2} Listen, Shepherd, Israel's Shepherd— get all your Joseph sheep together.
   Throw beams of light
      from your dazzling throne
   So Ephraim, Benjamin, and Manasseh
      can see where they're going.
   Get out of bed—you've slept long enough!
      Come on the run before it's too late.

   ³ God, come back!
      Smile your blessing smile:
      That will be our salvation.

   ^{4 -6} God, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
      how long will you smolder like a sleeping volcano
      while your people call for fire and brimstone?
   You put us on a diet of tears,
      bucket after bucket of salty tears to drink.
   You make us look ridiculous to our friends;
      our enemies poke fun day after day.

   ⁷ God-of-the-Angel-Armies, come back!
      Smile your blessing smile:
          That will be our salvation.

The Message

Yesterday marked the first Sunday in Advent in many churches. This is my favorite season of the year...well, next to Lent and Easter. I am always moved by the images of Advent, of light and dark, of God hearing the cries of the people and becoming "God with us"; images of preparation and anticipation and of turning around, repentance and new life.

The Biblical Greek word for repentance is 'metanoia', meaning to turn around.  Usually I've heard and preached this call to 'turn around' in terms of our own straying from God, our own sin and missing the mark in our life.

But today's bible verses call upon God to turn around.  It is a plea for God to be God and not abandon the people, but lead them with God's own 'beams of light' so that the people may know where to go. 

As we've talked about before, this wilderness time of Chronic illness can feel very dark, and disorienting. It is easily a time when all that we knew before now seems foreign and far away, and when we may not know where to go or what to do next.  I am coming to believe that this can be our experience whether we've been fighting chronic illness a few months, or 25 years.  It is part of the territory that we deal with at times...no matter how good we've become at reading the terrain.

The cry of the psalmist could be our cry...an authentic cry of faith that trusts in God and calls upon God to be known to us.  I would offer this "Chronic hope" paraphrase of these verses... perhaps in your own words it may even sound a bit different.  Feel free to use the psalms' words to voice your own experience.

'Oh God!  Your people feel so scattered, like sheep on different hillsides...far from each other, wandering and looking for you.
Shine your light upon  those who are seeking you, especially the long-suffering sick-- those who wrestle with health of body, mind and spirit every day.
We weary of the dragged out nature of these illnesses. Day by day the little tasks wear us out, and we wonder how we can serve you faithfully when we have so little strength.  We are wasting away, and cry out for your help.
Turn around! Come on the run, and help us to know you are here!
We are misunderstood by those who have never been on this journey...we are seen as weak and lacking fortitude.  Oh, if they only knew the fortitude that it takes to get up and move each day!
By your presence, comfort us, give us strength, and renew our hope.  Smile your smile of blessing upon us, and help us to know you are near.'
  (my own paraphrase)...now you try~

Lord, hear the cries and prayers of our hearts. Amen.

Carried

See, the Lord God comes with might,
   and his arm rules for him;
his reward is with him,
   and his recompense before him. 
He will feed his flock like a shepherd;
   he will gather the lambs in his arms,
and carry them in his bosom,
   and gently lead the mother sheep.   Isaiah 40:10-11

This song by Mark Schultz gave me a great deal of encouragement and comfort in the early  months and years of my illness, particularly in the time when I was trying to manage something I didn't understand and didn't know the name of.  Today's word of hope and encouragement comes in song~ may it bless you deeply.

(you should be able to click the link below and it will take you right to the song)

He Will Carry Me - Today's Christian Videos
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=Z6PDWNNX

Through the Middle

 "Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground." Exodus 14:16

Chronic illness is a wilderness journey that takes us to places we've never encountered before. Whether it is facing a diagnosis, or waiting months or years to finally get a diagnosis; whether facing the difficulties of new treatment or new strict diet or the side effects of new medicine; whether it is facing a new life style or old, old demons from the past, this journey will at some point bring us to the place where it looks like we cannot take one more step forward.

When Moses and the Israelites came up against the Red Sea with the Egyptians behind them, many folks (probably more in the back of the line closer to the Egyptians :-) )  started to panic. Moses had some experience with God asking unexpected things (See Exodus 4- You want me to do what?  I'm not a good speaker! {my paraphrase}). Instead of panicking, Moses looked to God to lead the way--and God did, right through the middle of the sea.



'Red Sea' moments in our life can certainly bring a sense of panic, despair, frustration, anger, and a whole host of other feelings.  But that's not the only response available to us. Those 'Red Sea' moments can be an incredible opportunity to grow in faith. They are those times when the rubber hits the road, and we either move in a way that lives out our faith, or we don't.

As I say in the opening of this blog, this chronic illness journey can be a time of deeper, wider faith, a time of growth and amazing connection with God.  But that doesn't mean it will be a time of puppy kisses, snowflakes and giggles.  Growing in faith can be agonizing--as agonizing as the kernel of a seed bursting forth from its protective shell, or a butterfly wrestling to be free from its chrysalis.

Red Sea moments-- those times when what lies ahead of us seems too big, too overwhelming, too.. much-- those are opportunities when faith can grow by leaps and bounds.  Easier said than done, you say....

Well, yeah. Faith IS easier 'said' than 'done', but it is in the doing-- the living of our faith in the face of the obstacles that we see the depth, and wideness and power of God's grace in ways that others may not be so privileged to experience.

If you or someone you love is facing something where there seems to be no way forward, and going back is not an option-- a 'Red Sea' time--  be of good courage.  An opportunity lies before you.  Listen to God's direction, pray for the strength to follow where God would lead... it may very well be that strength, hope and new life lie right through the middle of what you face.

Lord God, we know and trust that you love us. Certain circumstances in our lives may make it hard for us to understand how you are acting sometimes, and we may find obstacles that we just want to go around and avoid altogether.  Give us love and support to surround us, and give us the ears to hear where you would have us go... even if it is right through the middle. Amen.

Be Not Afraid, I go before you always

When Jesus^* saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. ²Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
3 ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 ‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
8 ‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 ‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely^* on my account. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.  Matthew 5:1-11 

Wasted harvest?

He said to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.  Luke 10:2

As I opened the box I knew what I'd find even before I saw the contents.  It had been sitting on our counter for longer than I want to admit, and I'd set it aside to "deal with it later".  Sure enough, inside the box were dozens of shriveled, rotting and moldy hot peppers that I'd harvested earlier.  I had dried some, but set the others aside for later.  Later never came in the storing of these peppers.

Up to this point in this growing season, I was quite proud of our track record.  In years past, due to our own busyness, my husband and I grew things in the garden, and they would sometimes go past prime.
This year, with my daily jaunts (ok, slow trudging circuits :-)  of the garden, we kept up with the harvesting better.  Until the bumper crop of hot peppers. 

I'd like to say that part of the issue was, we didn't know what to do with them, as I'd already frozen plenty, dried plenty, smoked 6 mason jars full, made salsa, and tried making hotsauce, then cooked with some, and now we were faced with many more. I'd like to say that not knowing wat to do with them was the problem, but we have several pecks of apples that I bought specifically for applesauce and pies sitting on the same counter hoping not to face the same destiny, so you can see this is a pattern with me.

Certainly part of the picture is that I've had a rough fall, physically.  However, the bigger stumbling block for me, it seems is my own wrestling with not being able to work and do things.  I go from wanting to take on projects that will help our family and safe money to believing that my efforts won't make a difference.

Jesus' words in Luke came to me this morning as I peered into the pepper box.  The harvest is plenty but the laborers are few. Obviously Jesus wasn't talking about hot peppers. He was talking about human souls.  I have been one of those scarce laborers in the past and in the present.  It used to be that I used my busyness with the church as an excuse to not keep an eye out for the 'ripeness' of people's faith.  I was too busy running from one thing to another to see the growth and struggles people were having. 

Now I have the time, but often the energy and concentration escapes me.  But a larger piece that plays into this, is the major hit my self-identity received when I became ill.  I think "Ok, the harvest is plenty, but how does he plan to use me to reach others? "  I feel too broken, too useless, too irrelevant some days because I can barely get out of bed, or my head spins from the lightheadedness.

However, Jesus never said, 'the harvest is plenty and the laborers are few so we'll take only the strongest and brightest and best.'  Jesus said the laborers are few, (and later in the book of Acts he says), the people who are willing to share God's kingdom with others will be empowered to spread the message 'to the ends of the earth.'

We see in the gospels that Jesus worked through the most unlikely to spread the good news.  He chose people that no one else did, fishermen, the Geresene demoniac (who lived in the graveyard), the woman at the well who got water in the heat of the day because she was so outcast, and many others.  Jesus worked through these folks (and works through us!) precisely because of what they (and what we!!) experience.  Their own unique experience of the world opens up doors for others that would normally not hear the Word in their daily lives.

The experiences that you and I face daily open up doors for people to hear God's message in ways that other people can't share it.  For a long time I've wrestled with the idea that God's harvest is wasting on my watch.  It is not.  God continues to choose and empower those who will help the kingdom break in.  If we are willing, God can and will work through us.   By God's grace, God can uniquely utilize the gifts we have today-- right now.  The harvest is plenty, the laborers are few. Let us remember that we are able to harvest, and none of us is without gifts to share, no matter our condition. 

Lord of all, as people fighting chronic illnesses, we are sometimes overwhelmed by the lack of energy or ability we have to do the things we used to do.  Please utilize us in your wise, gentle ways to be able to spread the Gospel.  Amen.

Friday Fun- Hallelujah Chorus -Quinhagak, Alaska

Some fun for a Friday~  Thank you to my Father-in-law for sharing this!

(No, I can't pronounce the name of the town in Alaska.  And yes, while I've seen this done before --the silent monks--- I couldn't help grinning and enjoying this as it has normal people from throughout the town involved.  Really a sense of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords at work in the whole world.  Enjoy~)

Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

Busted Heart - a prodigal's story

 Then Jesus^* said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. ¹²The younger of them said to his father, “Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.” So he divided his property between them. ¹³A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. ¹⁴When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. ¹⁶He would gladly have filled himself with^* the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. ¹⁷But when he came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! ¹⁸I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; ¹⁹I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’ ” ²⁰So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. ²¹Then the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”^{* 22}But the father said to his slaves, “Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; ²⁴for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!” And they began to celebrate.

Luke 15:11-24







Lyrics:

Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend

I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now

(Chorus)
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

I am the wandering son
Your love is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love
I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me

You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am

Where?

^{1 -2} God, God...my God! Why did you dump me
      miles from nowhere?
   Doubled up with pain, I call to God
      all the day long. No answer. Nothing.
   I keep at it all night, tossing and turning.

   ^{3 -5} And you! Are you indifferent, above it all,
      leaning back on the cushions of Israel's praise?
   We know you were there for our parents:
      they cried for your help and you gave it;
      they trusted and lived a good life.

   ^{6 -8} And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
      something to step on, to squash.
   Everyone pokes fun at me;
      they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
   "Let's see how God handles this one;
      since God likes him so much, let him help him!"

   ^{9 -11} And to think you were midwife at my birth,
      setting me at my mother's breasts!
   When I left the womb you cradled me;
      since the moment of birth you've been my God.
   Then you moved far away
      and trouble moved in next door.
   I need a neighbor.

   ^{12 -13} Herds of bulls come at me,
      the raging bulls stampede,
   Horns lowered, nostrils flaring,
      like a herd of buffalo on the move.

   ^{14 -15} I'm a bucket kicked over and spilled,
      every joint in my body has been pulled apart.
   My heart is a blob
      of melted wax in my gut.
   I'm dry as a bone,
      my tongue black and swollen.
   They have laid me out for burial
      in the dirt.

   ^{16 -18} Now packs of wild dogs come at me;
      thugs gang up on me.
   They pin me down hand and foot,
      and lock me in a cage—a bag
   Of bones in a cage, stared at
      by every passerby.
   They take my wallet and the shirt off my back,
      and then throw dice for my clothes.

   ^{19 -21} You, God—don't put off my rescue!
      Hurry and help me!
   Don't let them cut my throat;
      don't let those mongrels devour me.
   If you don't show up soon,
      I'm done for—gored by the bulls,
      meat for the lions.

   ^{22 -24} Here's the story I'll tell my friends when they come to worship,
      and punctuate it with Hallelujahs:
   Shout Hallelujah, you God-worshipers;
      give glory, you sons of Jacob;
      adore him, you daughters of Israel.
   He has never let you down,
      never looked the other way
      when you were being kicked around.
   He has never wandered off to do his own thing;
      he has been right there, listening.

   ^{25 -26} Here in this great gathering for worship
      I have discovered this praise-life.
   And I'll do what I promised right here
      in front of the God-worshipers.
   Down-and-outers sit at God's table
      and eat their fill.
   Everyone on the hunt for God
      is here, praising him.
   "Live it up, from head to toe.
      Don't ever quit!"

   ^{27 -28} From the four corners of the earth
      people are coming to their senses,
      are running back to God.
   Long-lost families
      are falling on their faces before him.
   God has taken charge;
      from now on he has the last word.

   ²⁹ All the power-mongers are before him
      —worshiping!
   All the poor and powerless, too
      —worshiping!
   Along with those who never got it together
      —worshiping!

   ^{30 -31} Our children and their children
      will get in on this
   As the word is passed along
      from parent to child.
   Babies not yet conceived
      will hear the good news—
      that God does what he says.

Psalm 22  The Message


"From rage to rejoicing", he said.  My friend, mentor and colleague, Denny surprised me with a phone call today. It was one of those God-moments, when I heard from the person I really needed to, at the time I needed.  One year ago today, after having great trouble physically making it through worship, I drove home as the Sr. Interim Pastor, and I never drove back in that role again. It was a year ago today that I worked for the last time.

As Denny and I talked he mentioned the Psalms, and how remarkable it is to hear the Psalmist go from rage, through various emotions and then come out rejoicing. I immediately thought of Psalm 22, which starts out with "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me,' and ends with "I will tell of your greatness to  a people yet unborn.' What happened in between?  Remembrance of promises.

The psalmist remembered God's promises, and God's faithfulness in keeping promises.  When God promises, it is as good as done.  The word dabar in Hebrew translates as to both say and do.  And when used in describing God, it is understood that when God says something, God will do it. 

This past year has helped me to understand this Psalm so much more. There have been days (even VERY recently) when I have wondered, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Yes, times of chronic illness can feel completely "God-forsaken".  And yet through the support of family, friends, friends that are just like family, and many loving people, I have heard once again the promises:
 "I am with you always to the end of the age."
 "I am the bread of life"
 "I am the resurrection and the life"
 "In my father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you." 
  "I am the way, the truth, and the life."
  "I am the Good Shepherd. The good Shepherd lays his life down for the sheep." 

And there are so many more. Today, and this week, I will be reflecting on what this one-year anniversary means to me.  What it means for today is that God has been with me throughout the year-- from times of rage to times of joy and celebration and back and forth again.   God is present in our lives, no matter what we face.

Dearest Lord, as we come to terms with our illnesses,  give us the patience, wisdom and faith we need for this journey, no matter how long it takes or what we face.  Amen.

I've Always Loved You - Third Day

 "Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.’"  Jeremiah 1: 4-5 

Some tender words from an extravagantly loving God....words I needed to hear on this morning I'm not feeling very well...and words I want to share with you.  May they touch your heart and spirit as they did mine.

peace,
Andrea

Shining Through

^"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. "  Matthew 5:16


Today's devotion is short, and related to the Oct. 31 date.  As we've grown pumpkins this year, and as I see all the different carvings for pumpkins, it strikes me that a whole pumpkin will not let any light out. It is only through the places that are carved, and opened up that the light comes through. 

So often I focus upon wanting to be "whole"...whatever that may mean...  in my more difficult days it means that I want to stop feeling so broken, opened up and 'carved'.   Yet, it is precisely through the cut away pieces, the broken spaces in me that God's light shines most freely.  It is in those places that God's saving grace can shine for others to see and can be healing for them.

Loving God, help us not be ashamed of our worn, broken or carved up parts, but help us to see them as openings for your love to flow through us to the world you also love.  Amen.

Sunday Scripture readings and song

Jeremiah 31:31-34

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD, "when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. 32 It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them, " declares the LORD. 33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest," declares the LORD. "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; 3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved; God will help it when the morning dawns. 6 The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. 7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord; see what desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. 10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth." 11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

Romans 3:19-28

19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished-- 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. 27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.

John 8:31-36

31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 33 They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" 34 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Saturday Call to Prayer

" Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
   and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice. " 
 Psalm 141:2  NRSV

A start for today's prayer list:

~ the people of Turkey who are still searching for survivors; the rescue workers and aid workers; the injured; the homeless; the grieving... that God may surround them through the love and care of others so they may have shelter and safety, and comfort for body and soul.

~ the people in the Northeast US, that they may have safe travel and good shelter during this early blizzard.

~for people everywhere trying to escape the disastrous cycle of domestic violence, that the abused may find safety and solace, and the abusers may find healing for the forces that drive them

~for all who fight chronic illness, that they may find hope, resilience, and comfort as they face each day

~~Prayers of Thanksgiving for the beauty of the seasons; for simple treasures like our loved ones having good friends they can enjoy; fresh apples and other fruits in season; loving companion animals; a warm blanket and a cup of tea (or something that won't bring on allergies or symptoms :-) 

~~Praise for the God who doesn't desert us when the ground crumbles beneath our feet, but Who is intimately present when circumstances are at their worst

Lift Me Up

  Psalm 92:1-6
¹ You who live in the shelter of the Most High,
   who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,^*
2 will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress;
   my God, in whom I trust.’
³ For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
   and from the deadly pestilence;
⁴ he will cover you with his pinions,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;
   his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of the night,
   or the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ or the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
   or the destruction that wastes at noonday.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

A song for your Thursday morning~ 
peace,
Andrea

Strong Tower

"for You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy." Psalm 61:3

Sunday Readings and Song Devotion

Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18

1 The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: 2 Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them: You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.

15 You shall not render an unjust judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great: with justice you shall judge your neighbor. 16 You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not profit by the blood of your neighbor: I am the Lord. 17 You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. 18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

 

 

1 Thessalonians 2:1-8

1 You yourselves know, brothers and sisters, that our coming to you was not in vain, 2 but though we had already suffered and been shamefully mistreated at Philippi, as you know, we had courage in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in spite of great opposition. 3 For our appeal does not spring from deceit or impure motives or trickery, 4 but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the message of the gospel, even so we speak, not to please mortals, but to please God who tests our hearts. 5 As you know and as God is our witness, we never came with words of flattery or with a pretext for greed; 6 nor did we seek praise from mortals, whether from you or from others, 7 though we might have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nurse tenderly caring for her own children. 8 So deeply do we care for you that we are determined to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become very dear to us

 

 

Matthew 22:34-46

34 When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, 35 and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" 37 He said to him, " "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' 38 This is the greatest and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." 41 Now while the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them this question: 42 "What do you think of the Messiah? Whose son is he?" They said to him, "The son of David." 43 He said to them, "How is it then that David by the Spirit calls him Lord, saying, 44 "The Lord said to my Lord, "Sit at my right hand, until I put your enemies under your feet" '? 45 If David thus calls him Lord, how can he be his son?" 46 No one was able to give him an answer, nor from that day did anyone dare to ask him any more questions.

 

Holy, Holy, Holy - Hillsong United

Walk with me...

14 He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." 15 And he said to him, "If your presence will not go, do not carry us up from here. 16 For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people, unless you go with us? In this way, we shall be distinct, I and your people, from every people on the face of the earth." 17 The Lord said to Moses, "I will do the very thing that you have asked; for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name."  Exodus 33:14-17  NRSV

The Exodus story has come to be one of my favorites while traveling this journey of Chronic Illness. Moses' words, the peoples' grumbling, and God's promises have all hit much closer to my heart in these days.

There is nothing neat and tidy about this health journey, no matter how much I may try to make it so.  For so many of us, it is not simply one "thing" that we are working to control, but a whole plethora of symptoms, issues and responses that we are working to juggle in a day.  The Illness that we fight may have a single name, but those who are wanting to help and support us can do so more fully by understanding that many chronic illnesses are complex, and affect much more than one single area.

Lately, I've been understanding the perspective of the crowds wanting to "go back"  to where they came from.  No matter to them that there were difficulties there.  For the people of Israel, "going back" meant slavery.  While it is not likely so dramatic for us, I need to come to grips with the truth that life before POTS was not the perfect place that I often remember in my mind.  I get a good case of revisionist history going when I pine after my former life. I can give the Israelites a run for their money when it comes to muttering, grumbling and complaining-- especially when I hear that I need more tests, and as I have more symptoms to deal with.

Like the Children of Israel complaining about food and everything they are missing in the desert, I forget that stress and challenges were always there.  It is easy for me to get into that mode of "if only I didn't have this", and I forget that many of the struggles I face now, were with me before..I'm just in different territory now. 

In the midst of the confusion, we see Moses seeking out God's help, and encountering the very presence of God. 

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  The promise to Moses is the promise that comes to us as well. The cross of Christ reminds us that we no longer journey alone, but that we are in the loving presence of a living Lord who has promised us rest as we walk with Him.

In the midst of our own confusion, frustration, juggling of health issues, physical and mental pain, and exhaustion we hear the gentle voice of the One who loves us and knows us by name...we do not make this journey alone. The Lord who created us and saved us will also walk with us and sustain us.

Living God, you hear our cries, our frustration, our grumbling...we thank you for not abandoning us in the midst of difficult circumstances, but for promising to walk with us.  Be with us today as we face the challenges of this day, and lead us by your gentle hand.  Amen.

Sunday Reading and Music Devotion

1 Thessalonians 1:1-10

1 Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy,

To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace to you and peace.

2 We always give thanks to God for all of you and mention you in our prayers, constantly 3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we know, brothers and sisters beloved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our message of the gospel came to you not in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; just as you know what kind of persons we proved to be among you for your sake.

6 And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for in spite of persecution you received the word with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. 8 For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but in every place your faith in God has become known, so that we have no need to speak about it. 9 For the people of those regions report about us what kind of welcome we had among you, and how you turned to God from idols, to serve a living and true God, 10 and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead--Jesus, who rescues us from the wrath that is coming.

Matthew 22:15-22

15 Then the Pharisees went and plotted to entrap him in what he said. 16 So they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians, saying, "Teacher, we know that you are sincere, and teach the way of God in accordance with truth, and show deference to no one; for you do not regard people with partiality. 17 Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to the emperor, or not?" 18 But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, "Why are you putting me to the test, you hypocrites? 19 Show me the coin used for the tax." And they brought him a denarius. 20 Then he said to them, "Whose head is this, and whose title?" 21 They answered, "The emperor's." Then he said to them, "Give therefore to the emperor the things that are the emperor's, and to God the things that are God's." 22 When they heard this, they were amazed; and they left him and went away.

Surrender is NOT the same as giving up

"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done..." Matthew 6:10

The whole idea of surrender is one that I've wrestled with for years.  That wrestling came to a head when our daughter started Taekwondo and began working toward her Black-belt.  I've always seen my place and role as a peace-maker, mediator.  I've never envisioned myself as a fighter, so when our whole family enrolled in TKD to support her and get exercise, I was actually a bit at odds with myself.  I wanted her to be strong and know how to defend herself, but the martial arts seemed odd and uncomfortable to me.  How could I ever strike out at another when my whole life had been one of surrender?

It was in those years of study that I learned much about what it meant for me to surrender to God's will, and what it meant to be active in working towards something that was good and important.  Taekwondo is to be used for defense, and the 'kata' or forms of TKD teach you how to move and defend.  It is a very active and powerful sport, yet serene and graceful.  Those years of training helped me to discover an inner resolve and strength within me that I didn't knew existed.  It was the strength that seemed to echo Martin Luther's "Here I stand. I can do no other."  -- that place where we know what we are called to do and we summon the inner strength to do it. 

So what does all this have to do with God's will and surrender?  In my heart and mind it had everything to do with surrender to God.  For so long, I had seen surrendering to God's will as a passive, last-resort concession where I had to give in.  I saw it as the place where I was drained of all energy, I had lost the fight and there was nothing else to do.  After Taekwondo, another image of faithfulness in surrendering to God's will began to take shape:  it was the image of the strong, intent one, standing balanced and calm waiting for the next direction...the next action to take place so the appropriate response could be made.  Surrender to God was no longer a 'giving up', but it began to make sense as an action-- a way to be prepared to move.
Surrender to God now seems an ultimate place of readiness, strength and grace-fullness.

I think this idea of surrender as a place of strength is one that I needed to be reminded of (again and again) on this journey of chronic illness.  So many of us, myself included, come to a place in this journey where all other avenues seem to be exhausted-- and so are we.  Surrendering to God's will seems to be understood as a kind of throwing in the towel--a kind of giving up.  However, if we are to be faithful to our calling as Children of God, this journey calls upon us to dig deeper, reach farther within, and gently yet firmly hold onto the strength that God gives us for each day. 

Surrender in its most faithful sense in this journey is something like this, I think:  With whatever strength and health we have within us today--at this very moment-- we set our feet, our mind and our heart in a place where we are able to receive God's leading touch, and we are ready to respond to this world in a way that we are uniquely gifted to do.  This is not a time for giving up and shutting down (although that has been my struggle and even choice on more days than I want to admit). This Chronic illness journey is a place for the strength, the resolve, the balance and attention to be focused upon where God would lead our next move.  This place, my friends, is more challenging than any marital arts, any physical discipline, any training around-- as most of us are in territory that is unfamiliar to most, and it could claim us if we let it. 

Surrendering to God's will means we are willing to be tenacious in following God, even when it doesn't make sense to others--even when it looks like failure or weakness.  The paradox of surrendering to God's will is that I believe it calls out the most powerful parts of us and draws us to act. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane shows ultimate tenacity as he fights his own desire to stop the journey and not follow through. As Jesus prays "Father, not my will but yours be done"  we see the ultimate 'fighter'-- and the ultimate acts of courage and power. 

May the Lord train us to be strong in our surrender.

Powerful, wise God, help us this day to understand what it means to follow you and to do your will as we walk this chronic illness journey. So many voices within and without would have us give up, roll-over and become passive.  Show us what surrendering to your will means, and give us the strength and courage to follow wherever you are leading.  Amen.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

 I will sing of your steadfast love, O Lord,^* for ever;
   with my mouth I will proclaim your faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 89:1

Two lovely versions of the great hymn...

A reminder this morning that our days don't depend upon us, how we feel, what we can do, or our own faithfulness-- each day depends upon God's faithfulness...and that is a VERY good thing~

GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS by CECE WINANS with lyrics

Patient Self-love

"Love is patient; love is kind"  1 Corinthians 13:4

For years, I have only thought of 1 Corinthians 13 in terms of weddings and relationships with others. In my experience, it is the most often used scripture at weddings, and chances are, when people hear this quoted, they may think of a wedding they've been to, or we think in terms of a specific relationship. 

Recently, the verses and chapters about love have started me thinking about how I love and treat myself.  Last month, I wrote on "Love your neighbor as yourself"  with the emphasis on how we really do love ourselves.

The verse "Love is patient; love is kind"  echoed in my ears this morning as I got up after tending a sick kiddo late into the night, and I found myself pushing through this morning.  Our son has a cold, and I'm sure with some rest and chicken and stars soup he will be doing much better.  However, as many of you already know, even one change in the way things work in our home makes a big difference in how I feel and handle my chronic illness.

The contrast between how I treat my son when he's ill, and how I treat myself when I'm ill is quite startling.  I insist on early bed-times and naps for him, and yet neglect adequate sleep for myself.  I do what I can to help him feel better, while it is very easy for me to berate myself for not being able to do more, and push even harder. I am infinitely more patient with my son than I ever am with myself when I'm having a rough health day. 

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself"...or the flipside of the ellipsis :  Love yourself as you love your neighbor. 

In what ways do I need to be patient with myself?  Am I really understanding that my body has gone through a great deal of difficulties, and it really is pretty amazing that I can even sit up and type today?  Am I patient with my limitations-- not giving in to them, but fighting them in a way that doesn't tear down my spirit and morale?  Am I kind to myself?  Do I understand realistic expectations for a person with this this condition, or do I make unrealistic and damaging expectations of myself?  Am I allowing myself ample time to heal and adapt to treatments, or am I driving myself too hard...beating myself up like some poor donkey that has been through one too many hard struggles?

Love is patient, Love is kind.  In what ways are we patient with ourselves while not giving in to the illness?  How are we being kind to ourselves and surrounding ourselves with others that love and support us?

Please let us not use these questions as another way to punish ourselves for not "being enough", but let these questions inform and guide us so that we can fully be people who live out love in their lives...even for ourselves.

Dear Lord, sometimes it is so much easier to act out of patience and kindness for the people around us. Today help us live with patience and kindness toward the precious gift of the body, mind and spirit that you have given us.  Help us to love ourselves as you love us.  Amen.

Prayer

In honor of Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), a beautiful supplication prayer~
It is in Hebrew. Avinu Malkeinu means "Our Father, Our King"


It is my hope that our prayers for one another, and our understanding of human suffering can cross language barriers and all things that separate us~


May this lovely prayer bless you today~in whatever ways you understand God~


To my  friends celebrating Rosh Hashanah : Leshanah tovah tikateiv veteichateim   "May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year."

Joyful Joyful

Some music for a Thursday~ I know it's from Sister Act 2, but this is one of my favorite hymns and the way they sing this gives me chills every time I hear it.

Hope this blesses your day~

ps- As I've continued to fight off bronchitis and sinus infections these past weeks, I've found that it has upset the balance of so many of my systems-- a balance that is tentative at best most days.  Nothing horrible, yet in need of my care and attention. I have and will take some more days here trying to get rid of this acute illlness, and trying to manage my chronic condition again. I know that many of you understand the frustration and juggling act that our health can be sometimes. My postings will likely be sporatic for a bit longer, but it's my wish to get back to posting daily as soon as I am able. You are  in my thoughts and prayers~
Andrea

"Come Thou Fount" Mormon Tabernacle Choir

A very rainy, flood-warning, still-sick, trying-not-to-be-a grouch-to-the-planet  day here.  Thank you Mormon Tabernacle Choir for helping my heart to sing praises this morning!

ps-  yes, this is for you :-)

Readings and Music Reflections for Sunday

Psalm 25:1-9

1 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. 2 O my God, in you I trust; do not let me be put to shame; do not let my enemies exult over me. 3 Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. 5 Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.

6 Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. 7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for your goodness' sake, O Lord!

8 Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. 9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

Matthew 21:23-32

23 When he entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him as he was teaching, and said, "By what authority are you doing these things, and who gave you this authority?" 24 Jesus said to them, "I will also ask you one question; if you tell me the answer, then I will also tell you by what authority I do these things. 25 Did the baptism of John come from heaven, or was it of human origin?" And they argued with one another, "If we say, 'From heaven,' he will say to us, 'Why then did you not believe him?' 26 But if we say, 'Of human origin,' we are afraid of the crowd; for all regard John as a prophet." 27 So they answered Jesus, "We do not know." And he said to them, "Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things.

28 "What do you think? A man had two sons; he went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work in the vineyard today.' 29 He answered, 'I will not'; but later he changed his mind and went. 30 The father went to the second and said the same; and he answered, 'I go, sir'; but he did not go. 31 Which of the two did the will of his father?" They said, "The first." Jesus said to them, "Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are going into the kingdom of God ahead of you. 32 For John came to you in the way of righteousness and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him; and even after you saw it, you did not change your minds and believe him.

Be Thou My Vision - Ancient Irish Hymn from 8th Century by 4Him

JJ Heller - What Love Really Means (Official Music Video)

The Afters - Light Up The Sky - Official Video

Tuesday Tune

Hi Folks,
Down ill again for a bit with sinus infection and bronchitis.  Hope to post some songs~
back to writing asap.
peace,
Andrea

Sunday morning song and readings

Philippians 1:21-30

21 For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. 22 If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. 23 I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; 24 but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. 25 Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in faith, 26 so that I may share abundantly in your boasting in Christ Jesus when I come to you again. 27 Only, live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that, whether I come and see you or am absent and hear about you, I will know that you are standing firm in one spirit, striving side by side with one mind for the faith of the gospel, 28 and are in no way intimidated by your opponents. For them this is evidence of their destruction, but of your salvation. And this is God's doing. 29 For he has graciously granted you the privilege not only of believing in Christ, but of suffering for him as well— 30 since you are having the same struggle that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

Matthew 20:1-16

1 "For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. 2 After agreeing with the laborers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. 3 When he went out about nine o'clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace; 4 and he said to them, "You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' So they went. 5 When he went out again about noon and about three o'clock, he did the same. 6 And about five o'clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, "Why are you standing here idle all day?' 7 They said to him, "Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, "You also go into the vineyard.' 8 When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, "Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.' 9 When those hired about five o'clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. 10 Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. 11 And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, 12 saying, "These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.' 13 But he replied to one of them, "Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? 14 Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. 15 Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?' 16 So the last will be first, and the first will be last." 

 

Saturday call to prayer

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. " Romans 12:12

Hi everyone,
I'm finding this fall to be challenging for blog postings, not because I lack for things to say (indeed, my brain has much going around in it), but because of the physical challenges of these past weeks/months.  Was hit by a cold virus this week that quickly spread into sinus infection and bronchitis.  I appreciate your understanding and patience with this blog, (or more specifically the blog's writer!) as I know many of you understand the added challenges and frustrations of wrestling with a long-term condition and then having the ususal acute 'stuff that's going around' come up. We may be more susceptible to complications from 'simple colds, etc. ' than others; and then there's the frustration of feeling like things are just piling on top of each other.    I have more reflections about those days, but today, as promised, is prayer Saturday. 

St. Paul's words in Romans call us to patience, rejoicing and prayer. I would encourage you that particularly during those rough times in life, whether we are living with long-term illness, or are the care partner of a loved one with long term illness, because of Jesus, we do not rely on our own strength to rejoice, be patient or pray.

Chronic illness (with a dash of acute illness sometimes) has vividly reminded me of my need for a Savior.  That I cannot by my own strength do what faith calls me to do.  I fall down (or LAY down -- POTS joke!) again and again, because I do not have the strength...in any sense some days.  Friends, the great news, is that the call to pray, be patient and rejoice is not a demand...it is an invitation on behalf of  the Saving One who did rejoice, who was patient in suffering beyond all understanding, and who did pray...on our behalf, and on behalf of the whole world.  Because of Jesus, we are freed and forgiven.  Freed to act, and forgiven when we cannot or will not.

Today I invite us all to pray:

pray for all who are suffering, or suffering alongside another and finding patience very hard to come by;

pray for all doctors, and for the blessing of compassionate physicians and medical workers who are living out their calling with integrity and love;

pray in celebration for those who are rejoicing in hope-- the hope of healing, comfort or wholeness; and the hope to come of final healing, wholeness and comfort in the presence of God;

pray for those you are grateful for;

pray for those you cannot stand to be around;

pray for those needs of which you alone may be aware.

I am praying for you today, and lift my voice with yours as this blog community prays together.
peace to you today and each day,
Andrea

Sorrow and suffering

 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God."   2 Corinthians 1:3-4  NRSV

“We go through what we go through to help others go through what we went through.” ~Author Unknown

Throughout the past 18 years, I've been given the privilege to see that while some of my own experiences at times have been very difficult, they have also shaped me to view the world in a way I could have never seen before my struggles.


I think back to the countless discussions I've been honored to have with a variety of folks going through difficult circumstances. Without the softening of the soul that my own suffering had brought, I would have missed really seeing and hearing what people had to share about their lives:  their hopes, their fears, their passions, their pain...I would have missed the depth and richness of the human experience shared with another soul.

I have to be honest, there are some times, especially lately, when I feel so ill that I do not have the energy to focus on anyone else's needs.  There are also times, when I'm feeling ok, when I become selfish and choose not to listen and care for others. It is all part of the journey and part of being human. At the same time, I do believe it helps me keep moving forward to know that God can use my struggling and challenges to help others. It reminds me that no matter how my physical and emotional being has been compromised, I am still part of the Body of Christ, and the very things that I struggle with the most, are the things that can encourage others the most.



Sorrow and suffering are not things that we wish for...ever...and yet, the aftermath of these two can powerfully strengthen and soften us to hear and help bear another's pain and sorrow in the future.  The journey of chronic illness is hard, and sometimes it just plain stinks.  And yet...it can open a door to deeper understanding of others' experience, a deeper connection with others who are also on the path of life, and a deeper connection with the Lord who was, who is, and who is to come.

Lord, the world understands suffering and sorrow as things to be avoided, and yet we see in scripture that suffering and sorrow are part of the fullness of human life.  Along with joy and hope, help us to see sorrow and suffering as partners that can open up our lives in new ways, so that we can be those through whom you bring blessing to others.  Amen.

Still Not Just a River- Denial part 2

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

The biggest lessons I've learned about myself are the ones I've learned the hard way... by living them. 

I think of the lessons I've learned about grief in seminary, and how I thought that the book learning and conversation was difficult.  It didn't hold a candle to standing by the bedside of my dying father, or being confronted by a colleague after I'd been acting out my anger that I hadn't worked through from another funeral.  

I think of the lessons I learned about pastoral care in Clinical Pastoral Experience at The Ohio State University Hospitals, and all the group sessions where I learned about helping people to cope with illness. It pales in comparison to yesterday's lesson...
Yesterday I was in my doctor's office.  I'd not met this doctor before, and after just a few questions I found myself bursting into tears.  He was wonderful and compassionate and understanding. 
Afterwards I contemplated what had brought about the tears, and realized that I was still having some strong emotions about being sick.  The tears had caught me completely off guard.  I thought I'd "already taken care of those emotions"  and worked through them once.  It was time for another lesson... 


Now, if this were someone else, I'd have seen easily that I had more sorting and healing to do with these emotions, but because I was seeing this from the inside, I had expected that once I'd faced these feelings, I wouldn't have to encounter them again.  If this were someone else I would never have expected them to have worked through the complex emotions already, but it is much more difficult (at least for me) to be compassionate and understanding of myself going through the difficult journeys than it is for me to encourage others.


Now, I share all this not as a pity party, but to point out something that I'd forgotten before I met my doctor yesterday-- the emotions we feel as we face Chronic Illness are emotions that we'll be facing over and over again in various forms.  Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance are part of this journey over and over again.  They do not come in neat, clean order, nor once we face them are we completely done with them once and for all. 


Emotions are an integral part of coping with chronic illness, and the emotions are often powerful, difficult, and keep coming up as we keep moving forward.  Just because I'm the 'trained professional' and expect myself to know how to cope with all the emotions doesn't mean I get the easy way out.  The emotions are there from the various losses we face in Chronic illness, and they'll come out one way or another. 


Continuing to feel anger, or denial that things are different, or bargaining or feeling depressed are all normal parts of this journey for both the chronically ill person and for the family members. Things have changed drastically and the reality can be very hard.  We may try to put on a resolved, brave, strong face to protect others or ourselves, but at the heart of what we face, chronic illness is difficult and it is long-term. 


Our coping can be complicated by others' comments, and our own desire for things to go back to the way they used to be.  Psychologically I am sure there are good reasons why the coping is cyclical and we have to do these steps more than once, but all I know is that this is the way it works.  Coping with the emotions of chronic illness in ourselves or our loved ones is something we face in layers like an onion (or an ogre* ;-)


All of this today is to say that, whatever you may be facing today, whatever might be stirred up in you because of your experience or a loved one's experience with chronic illness, it is not strange or abnormal...it is not something that you "should have already gotten over", nor is it a sign of weakness when those emotions come flooding back. It is the way this path works.

But that's not all-- there is also the hope-filled reality that we are not alone. There are others who support and pray for us, and encourage us.  There are those who the Lord places in our lives who may surprise us by their support (like my doc) and who, by their understanding and care allow us to also reach again a place of acceptance and peace. That's another part of the cycle that comes around too-- acceptance.  It gives us the breathing space to take the necessary steps forward in the journey and it gives us the courage and resilience to face the cycle of other emotions when they come.

Dear Lord, there are times in this journey when we find ourselves in tears of grief, or in a place of anger and lashing out, or in a place of withdrawl or denial.  Whenever we are in these difficult places, O Lord, remind us that you still walk beside us.  Bring us your peace, comfort and love that we may have the ability to receive acceptance, ake one more step in this journey.  Amen.

*from the movie Shrek