Walk with me...

14 He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." 15 And he said to him, "If your presence will not go, do not carry us up from here. 16 For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people, unless you go with us? In this way, we shall be distinct, I and your people, from every people on the face of the earth." 17 The Lord said to Moses, "I will do the very thing that you have asked; for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name."  Exodus 33:14-17  NRSV

The Exodus story has come to be one of my favorites while traveling this journey of Chronic Illness. Moses' words, the peoples' grumbling, and God's promises have all hit much closer to my heart in these days.

There is nothing neat and tidy about this health journey, no matter how much I may try to make it so.  For so many of us, it is not simply one "thing" that we are working to control, but a whole plethora of symptoms, issues and responses that we are working to juggle in a day.  The Illness that we fight may have a single name, but those who are wanting to help and support us can do so more fully by understanding that many chronic illnesses are complex, and affect much more than one single area.

Lately, I've been understanding the perspective of the crowds wanting to "go back"  to where they came from.  No matter to them that there were difficulties there.  For the people of Israel, "going back" meant slavery.  While it is not likely so dramatic for us, I need to come to grips with the truth that life before POTS was not the perfect place that I often remember in my mind.  I get a good case of revisionist history going when I pine after my former life. I can give the Israelites a run for their money when it comes to muttering, grumbling and complaining-- especially when I hear that I need more tests, and as I have more symptoms to deal with.

Like the Children of Israel complaining about food and everything they are missing in the desert, I forget that stress and challenges were always there.  It is easy for me to get into that mode of "if only I didn't have this", and I forget that many of the struggles I face now, were with me before..I'm just in different territory now. 

In the midst of the confusion, we see Moses seeking out God's help, and encountering the very presence of God. 

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  The promise to Moses is the promise that comes to us as well. The cross of Christ reminds us that we no longer journey alone, but that we are in the loving presence of a living Lord who has promised us rest as we walk with Him.

In the midst of our own confusion, frustration, juggling of health issues, physical and mental pain, and exhaustion we hear the gentle voice of the One who loves us and knows us by name...we do not make this journey alone. The Lord who created us and saved us will also walk with us and sustain us.

Living God, you hear our cries, our frustration, our grumbling...we thank you for not abandoning us in the midst of difficult circumstances, but for promising to walk with us.  Be with us today as we face the challenges of this day, and lead us by your gentle hand.  Amen.