Not a caravan of despair...

"Come. Whoever you are. Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. Come. This is not a caravan of despair. It doesn't matter if you have broken your vow a thousand times, still come and yet again come."” Rumi

Throughout the past weeks, I've been surprised by the number of good friends who have commented on how sorry they were for what I've been going through.  Their kindness and compassion didn't surprise me...it is very much like these dear folks to say this and mean it...what surprised me was my reaction. 

 You see, I don't feel like I'm in such a bad spot. That may be truly puzzling for most people who read this blog and hear me talk regularly of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual struggles that I face, and that many people with long term health issues face.  The goal of this blog is to make a safe place to speak about the 'stuff' that those on this journey face, because to my knowledge there aren't that many places where we're honest about the many facets of  chronic mental and physical challenges.  It would be easy to see this journey as trudging and difficult, because, there are times when it really is.

What surprised me recently was that I was caught off guard by my friends' comments precisely because I wasn't feeling that burden of this journey.  Let me explain...I think there's something important here, but I'm not quite finding the words for it. 

You see, in all the pain, the struggle, the doubt, the challenge of this wilderness, I've also found incredible blessings and peace...almost like those amazing vivid desert flowers that bloom in the most barren places.  There is a beauty and a richness that I'm experiencing in life right now that I can't quite articulate yet.   Even though I was up much of the night last night with belly pain and nausea, and there  are real concerns that surround us in many ways, God's presence is very precious.  I won't say that I feel God's presence in all of this, because, frankly I've also had some of the most difficult heart-to-hearts with God in the past year--railing, weeping, yelling...and yet...

As one of my favorite Sufi poets, Rumi, says this is not a caravan of despair. This journey has tested the limits of my body, my mind, and my faith...and I've found his words ring true.  God still beckons me to come...just as I am, today. 

Perhaps that's the surprise...this wilderness has tested my understanding and experience of Grace like nothing else in my life. I've been at the end of my rope more than I can count, and more than I want to remember, and yet the Grace has embraced each and every time.  And God says, Come, and yet again Come, my child.

This journey is not one that I would have chosen. But it is where I find myself. It is not a journey of despair, and this blog is not a caravan of despair.  It is a caravan of hope.  I'm glad you are here reading this.  I'm glad I am here.  Even if we've broken our vow a thousand times, come and yet again come.  



 Come. Whoever you are. Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. Come. This is not a caravan of despair. It doesn't matter if you have broken your vow a thousand times, still come and yet again come.

Lord of surprises, you show us blessing in the wilderness and hope where others may only see despair at first glance.  Help us to hear your welcome on this journey of life, and help us to speak your words of hope and life to others, no matter what they are facing.  Amen.”