Shining Through

^"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. "  Matthew 5:16


Today's devotion is short, and related to the Oct. 31 date.  As we've grown pumpkins this year, and as I see all the different carvings for pumpkins, it strikes me that a whole pumpkin will not let any light out. It is only through the places that are carved, and opened up that the light comes through. 

So often I focus upon wanting to be "whole"...whatever that may mean...  in my more difficult days it means that I want to stop feeling so broken, opened up and 'carved'.   Yet, it is precisely through the cut away pieces, the broken spaces in me that God's light shines most freely.  It is in those places that God's saving grace can shine for others to see and can be healing for them.

Loving God, help us not be ashamed of our worn, broken or carved up parts, but help us to see them as openings for your love to flow through us to the world you also love.  Amen.

Sunday Scripture readings and song

Jeremiah 31:31-34

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD, "when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah. 32 It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them, " declares the LORD. 33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest," declares the LORD. "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; 3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved; God will help it when the morning dawns. 6 The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. 7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord; see what desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. 10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth." 11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

Romans 3:19-28

19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

21 But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished-- 26 he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. 27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.

John 8:31-36

31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 33 They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" 34 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Saturday Call to Prayer

" Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
   and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice. " 
 Psalm 141:2  NRSV

A start for today's prayer list:

~ the people of Turkey who are still searching for survivors; the rescue workers and aid workers; the injured; the homeless; the grieving... that God may surround them through the love and care of others so they may have shelter and safety, and comfort for body and soul.

~ the people in the Northeast US, that they may have safe travel and good shelter during this early blizzard.

~for people everywhere trying to escape the disastrous cycle of domestic violence, that the abused may find safety and solace, and the abusers may find healing for the forces that drive them

~for all who fight chronic illness, that they may find hope, resilience, and comfort as they face each day

~~Prayers of Thanksgiving for the beauty of the seasons; for simple treasures like our loved ones having good friends they can enjoy; fresh apples and other fruits in season; loving companion animals; a warm blanket and a cup of tea (or something that won't bring on allergies or symptoms :-) 

~~Praise for the God who doesn't desert us when the ground crumbles beneath our feet, but Who is intimately present when circumstances are at their worst

Lift Me Up

  Psalm 92:1-6
¹ You who live in the shelter of the Most High,
   who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,^*
2 will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress;
   my God, in whom I trust.’
³ For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
   and from the deadly pestilence;
⁴ he will cover you with his pinions,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;
   his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of the night,
   or the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ or the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
   or the destruction that wastes at noonday.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

A song for your Thursday morning~ 
peace,
Andrea

Strong Tower

"for You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy." Psalm 61:3

Sunday Readings and Song Devotion

Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18

1 The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: 2 Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them: You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.

15 You shall not render an unjust judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great: with justice you shall judge your neighbor. 16 You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not profit by the blood of your neighbor: I am the Lord. 17 You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. 18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

 

 

1 Thessalonians 2:1-8

1 You yourselves know, brothers and sisters, that our coming to you was not in vain, 2 but though we had already suffered and been shamefully mistreated at Philippi, as you know, we had courage in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in spite of great opposition. 3 For our appeal does not spring from deceit or impure motives or trickery, 4 but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the message of the gospel, even so we speak, not to please mortals, but to please God who tests our hearts. 5 As you know and as God is our witness, we never came with words of flattery or with a pretext for greed; 6 nor did we seek praise from mortals, whether from you or from others, 7 though we might have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nurse tenderly caring for her own children. 8 So deeply do we care for you that we are determined to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become very dear to us

 

 

Matthew 22:34-46

34 When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, 35 and one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" 37 He said to him, " "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' 38 This is the greatest and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." 41 Now while the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them this question: 42 "What do you think of the Messiah? Whose son is he?" They said to him, "The son of David." 43 He said to them, "How is it then that David by the Spirit calls him Lord, saying, 44 "The Lord said to my Lord, "Sit at my right hand, until I put your enemies under your feet" '? 45 If David thus calls him Lord, how can he be his son?" 46 No one was able to give him an answer, nor from that day did anyone dare to ask him any more questions.

 

Holy, Holy, Holy - Hillsong United

Walk with me...

14 He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." 15 And he said to him, "If your presence will not go, do not carry us up from here. 16 For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people, unless you go with us? In this way, we shall be distinct, I and your people, from every people on the face of the earth." 17 The Lord said to Moses, "I will do the very thing that you have asked; for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name."  Exodus 33:14-17  NRSV

The Exodus story has come to be one of my favorites while traveling this journey of Chronic Illness. Moses' words, the peoples' grumbling, and God's promises have all hit much closer to my heart in these days.

There is nothing neat and tidy about this health journey, no matter how much I may try to make it so.  For so many of us, it is not simply one "thing" that we are working to control, but a whole plethora of symptoms, issues and responses that we are working to juggle in a day.  The Illness that we fight may have a single name, but those who are wanting to help and support us can do so more fully by understanding that many chronic illnesses are complex, and affect much more than one single area.

Lately, I've been understanding the perspective of the crowds wanting to "go back"  to where they came from.  No matter to them that there were difficulties there.  For the people of Israel, "going back" meant slavery.  While it is not likely so dramatic for us, I need to come to grips with the truth that life before POTS was not the perfect place that I often remember in my mind.  I get a good case of revisionist history going when I pine after my former life. I can give the Israelites a run for their money when it comes to muttering, grumbling and complaining-- especially when I hear that I need more tests, and as I have more symptoms to deal with.

Like the Children of Israel complaining about food and everything they are missing in the desert, I forget that stress and challenges were always there.  It is easy for me to get into that mode of "if only I didn't have this", and I forget that many of the struggles I face now, were with me before..I'm just in different territory now. 

In the midst of the confusion, we see Moses seeking out God's help, and encountering the very presence of God. 

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  The promise to Moses is the promise that comes to us as well. The cross of Christ reminds us that we no longer journey alone, but that we are in the loving presence of a living Lord who has promised us rest as we walk with Him.

In the midst of our own confusion, frustration, juggling of health issues, physical and mental pain, and exhaustion we hear the gentle voice of the One who loves us and knows us by name...we do not make this journey alone. The Lord who created us and saved us will also walk with us and sustain us.

Living God, you hear our cries, our frustration, our grumbling...we thank you for not abandoning us in the midst of difficult circumstances, but for promising to walk with us.  Be with us today as we face the challenges of this day, and lead us by your gentle hand.  Amen.

Sunday Reading and Music Devotion

1 Thessalonians 1:1-10

1 Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy,

To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace to you and peace.

2 We always give thanks to God for all of you and mention you in our prayers, constantly 3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 4 For we know, brothers and sisters beloved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our message of the gospel came to you not in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; just as you know what kind of persons we proved to be among you for your sake.

6 And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for in spite of persecution you received the word with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. 8 For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but in every place your faith in God has become known, so that we have no need to speak about it. 9 For the people of those regions report about us what kind of welcome we had among you, and how you turned to God from idols, to serve a living and true God, 10 and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead--Jesus, who rescues us from the wrath that is coming.

Matthew 22:15-22

15 Then the Pharisees went and plotted to entrap him in what he said. 16 So they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians, saying, "Teacher, we know that you are sincere, and teach the way of God in accordance with truth, and show deference to no one; for you do not regard people with partiality. 17 Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to the emperor, or not?" 18 But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, "Why are you putting me to the test, you hypocrites? 19 Show me the coin used for the tax." And they brought him a denarius. 20 Then he said to them, "Whose head is this, and whose title?" 21 They answered, "The emperor's." Then he said to them, "Give therefore to the emperor the things that are the emperor's, and to God the things that are God's." 22 When they heard this, they were amazed; and they left him and went away.

Surrender is NOT the same as giving up

"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done..." Matthew 6:10

The whole idea of surrender is one that I've wrestled with for years.  That wrestling came to a head when our daughter started Taekwondo and began working toward her Black-belt.  I've always seen my place and role as a peace-maker, mediator.  I've never envisioned myself as a fighter, so when our whole family enrolled in TKD to support her and get exercise, I was actually a bit at odds with myself.  I wanted her to be strong and know how to defend herself, but the martial arts seemed odd and uncomfortable to me.  How could I ever strike out at another when my whole life had been one of surrender?

It was in those years of study that I learned much about what it meant for me to surrender to God's will, and what it meant to be active in working towards something that was good and important.  Taekwondo is to be used for defense, and the 'kata' or forms of TKD teach you how to move and defend.  It is a very active and powerful sport, yet serene and graceful.  Those years of training helped me to discover an inner resolve and strength within me that I didn't knew existed.  It was the strength that seemed to echo Martin Luther's "Here I stand. I can do no other."  -- that place where we know what we are called to do and we summon the inner strength to do it. 

So what does all this have to do with God's will and surrender?  In my heart and mind it had everything to do with surrender to God.  For so long, I had seen surrendering to God's will as a passive, last-resort concession where I had to give in.  I saw it as the place where I was drained of all energy, I had lost the fight and there was nothing else to do.  After Taekwondo, another image of faithfulness in surrendering to God's will began to take shape:  it was the image of the strong, intent one, standing balanced and calm waiting for the next direction...the next action to take place so the appropriate response could be made.  Surrender to God was no longer a 'giving up', but it began to make sense as an action-- a way to be prepared to move.
Surrender to God now seems an ultimate place of readiness, strength and grace-fullness.

I think this idea of surrender as a place of strength is one that I needed to be reminded of (again and again) on this journey of chronic illness.  So many of us, myself included, come to a place in this journey where all other avenues seem to be exhausted-- and so are we.  Surrendering to God's will seems to be understood as a kind of throwing in the towel--a kind of giving up.  However, if we are to be faithful to our calling as Children of God, this journey calls upon us to dig deeper, reach farther within, and gently yet firmly hold onto the strength that God gives us for each day. 

Surrender in its most faithful sense in this journey is something like this, I think:  With whatever strength and health we have within us today--at this very moment-- we set our feet, our mind and our heart in a place where we are able to receive God's leading touch, and we are ready to respond to this world in a way that we are uniquely gifted to do.  This is not a time for giving up and shutting down (although that has been my struggle and even choice on more days than I want to admit). This Chronic illness journey is a place for the strength, the resolve, the balance and attention to be focused upon where God would lead our next move.  This place, my friends, is more challenging than any marital arts, any physical discipline, any training around-- as most of us are in territory that is unfamiliar to most, and it could claim us if we let it. 

Surrendering to God's will means we are willing to be tenacious in following God, even when it doesn't make sense to others--even when it looks like failure or weakness.  The paradox of surrendering to God's will is that I believe it calls out the most powerful parts of us and draws us to act. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane shows ultimate tenacity as he fights his own desire to stop the journey and not follow through. As Jesus prays "Father, not my will but yours be done"  we see the ultimate 'fighter'-- and the ultimate acts of courage and power. 

May the Lord train us to be strong in our surrender.

Powerful, wise God, help us this day to understand what it means to follow you and to do your will as we walk this chronic illness journey. So many voices within and without would have us give up, roll-over and become passive.  Show us what surrendering to your will means, and give us the strength and courage to follow wherever you are leading.  Amen.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

 I will sing of your steadfast love, O Lord,^* for ever;
   with my mouth I will proclaim your faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 89:1

Two lovely versions of the great hymn...

A reminder this morning that our days don't depend upon us, how we feel, what we can do, or our own faithfulness-- each day depends upon God's faithfulness...and that is a VERY good thing~

GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS by CECE WINANS with lyrics

Patient Self-love

"Love is patient; love is kind"  1 Corinthians 13:4

For years, I have only thought of 1 Corinthians 13 in terms of weddings and relationships with others. In my experience, it is the most often used scripture at weddings, and chances are, when people hear this quoted, they may think of a wedding they've been to, or we think in terms of a specific relationship. 

Recently, the verses and chapters about love have started me thinking about how I love and treat myself.  Last month, I wrote on "Love your neighbor as yourself"  with the emphasis on how we really do love ourselves.

The verse "Love is patient; love is kind"  echoed in my ears this morning as I got up after tending a sick kiddo late into the night, and I found myself pushing through this morning.  Our son has a cold, and I'm sure with some rest and chicken and stars soup he will be doing much better.  However, as many of you already know, even one change in the way things work in our home makes a big difference in how I feel and handle my chronic illness.

The contrast between how I treat my son when he's ill, and how I treat myself when I'm ill is quite startling.  I insist on early bed-times and naps for him, and yet neglect adequate sleep for myself.  I do what I can to help him feel better, while it is very easy for me to berate myself for not being able to do more, and push even harder. I am infinitely more patient with my son than I ever am with myself when I'm having a rough health day. 

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself"...or the flipside of the ellipsis :  Love yourself as you love your neighbor. 

In what ways do I need to be patient with myself?  Am I really understanding that my body has gone through a great deal of difficulties, and it really is pretty amazing that I can even sit up and type today?  Am I patient with my limitations-- not giving in to them, but fighting them in a way that doesn't tear down my spirit and morale?  Am I kind to myself?  Do I understand realistic expectations for a person with this this condition, or do I make unrealistic and damaging expectations of myself?  Am I allowing myself ample time to heal and adapt to treatments, or am I driving myself too hard...beating myself up like some poor donkey that has been through one too many hard struggles?

Love is patient, Love is kind.  In what ways are we patient with ourselves while not giving in to the illness?  How are we being kind to ourselves and surrounding ourselves with others that love and support us?

Please let us not use these questions as another way to punish ourselves for not "being enough", but let these questions inform and guide us so that we can fully be people who live out love in their lives...even for ourselves.

Dear Lord, sometimes it is so much easier to act out of patience and kindness for the people around us. Today help us live with patience and kindness toward the precious gift of the body, mind and spirit that you have given us.  Help us to love ourselves as you love us.  Amen.