Turn around...God!

Psalm 80

   ^{1 -2} Listen, Shepherd, Israel's Shepherd— get all your Joseph sheep together.
   Throw beams of light
      from your dazzling throne
   So Ephraim, Benjamin, and Manasseh
      can see where they're going.
   Get out of bed—you've slept long enough!
      Come on the run before it's too late.

   ³ God, come back!
      Smile your blessing smile:
      That will be our salvation.

   ^{4 -6} God, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
      how long will you smolder like a sleeping volcano
      while your people call for fire and brimstone?
   You put us on a diet of tears,
      bucket after bucket of salty tears to drink.
   You make us look ridiculous to our friends;
      our enemies poke fun day after day.

   ⁷ God-of-the-Angel-Armies, come back!
      Smile your blessing smile:
          That will be our salvation.

The Message

Yesterday marked the first Sunday in Advent in many churches. This is my favorite season of the year...well, next to Lent and Easter. I am always moved by the images of Advent, of light and dark, of God hearing the cries of the people and becoming "God with us"; images of preparation and anticipation and of turning around, repentance and new life.

The Biblical Greek word for repentance is 'metanoia', meaning to turn around.  Usually I've heard and preached this call to 'turn around' in terms of our own straying from God, our own sin and missing the mark in our life.

But today's bible verses call upon God to turn around.  It is a plea for God to be God and not abandon the people, but lead them with God's own 'beams of light' so that the people may know where to go. 

As we've talked about before, this wilderness time of Chronic illness can feel very dark, and disorienting. It is easily a time when all that we knew before now seems foreign and far away, and when we may not know where to go or what to do next.  I am coming to believe that this can be our experience whether we've been fighting chronic illness a few months, or 25 years.  It is part of the territory that we deal with at times...no matter how good we've become at reading the terrain.

The cry of the psalmist could be our cry...an authentic cry of faith that trusts in God and calls upon God to be known to us.  I would offer this "Chronic hope" paraphrase of these verses... perhaps in your own words it may even sound a bit different.  Feel free to use the psalms' words to voice your own experience.

'Oh God!  Your people feel so scattered, like sheep on different hillsides...far from each other, wandering and looking for you.
Shine your light upon  those who are seeking you, especially the long-suffering sick-- those who wrestle with health of body, mind and spirit every day.
We weary of the dragged out nature of these illnesses. Day by day the little tasks wear us out, and we wonder how we can serve you faithfully when we have so little strength.  We are wasting away, and cry out for your help.
Turn around! Come on the run, and help us to know you are here!
We are misunderstood by those who have never been on this journey...we are seen as weak and lacking fortitude.  Oh, if they only knew the fortitude that it takes to get up and move each day!
By your presence, comfort us, give us strength, and renew our hope.  Smile your smile of blessing upon us, and help us to know you are near.'
  (my own paraphrase)...now you try~

Lord, hear the cries and prayers of our hearts. Amen.

Carried

See, the Lord God comes with might,
   and his arm rules for him;
his reward is with him,
   and his recompense before him. 
He will feed his flock like a shepherd;
   he will gather the lambs in his arms,
and carry them in his bosom,
   and gently lead the mother sheep.   Isaiah 40:10-11

This song by Mark Schultz gave me a great deal of encouragement and comfort in the early  months and years of my illness, particularly in the time when I was trying to manage something I didn't understand and didn't know the name of.  Today's word of hope and encouragement comes in song~ may it bless you deeply.

(you should be able to click the link below and it will take you right to the song)

He Will Carry Me - Today's Christian Videos
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=Z6PDWNNX

Through the Middle

 "Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground." Exodus 14:16

Chronic illness is a wilderness journey that takes us to places we've never encountered before. Whether it is facing a diagnosis, or waiting months or years to finally get a diagnosis; whether facing the difficulties of new treatment or new strict diet or the side effects of new medicine; whether it is facing a new life style or old, old demons from the past, this journey will at some point bring us to the place where it looks like we cannot take one more step forward.

When Moses and the Israelites came up against the Red Sea with the Egyptians behind them, many folks (probably more in the back of the line closer to the Egyptians :-) )  started to panic. Moses had some experience with God asking unexpected things (See Exodus 4- You want me to do what?  I'm not a good speaker! {my paraphrase}). Instead of panicking, Moses looked to God to lead the way--and God did, right through the middle of the sea.



'Red Sea' moments in our life can certainly bring a sense of panic, despair, frustration, anger, and a whole host of other feelings.  But that's not the only response available to us. Those 'Red Sea' moments can be an incredible opportunity to grow in faith. They are those times when the rubber hits the road, and we either move in a way that lives out our faith, or we don't.

As I say in the opening of this blog, this chronic illness journey can be a time of deeper, wider faith, a time of growth and amazing connection with God.  But that doesn't mean it will be a time of puppy kisses, snowflakes and giggles.  Growing in faith can be agonizing--as agonizing as the kernel of a seed bursting forth from its protective shell, or a butterfly wrestling to be free from its chrysalis.

Red Sea moments-- those times when what lies ahead of us seems too big, too overwhelming, too.. much-- those are opportunities when faith can grow by leaps and bounds.  Easier said than done, you say....

Well, yeah. Faith IS easier 'said' than 'done', but it is in the doing-- the living of our faith in the face of the obstacles that we see the depth, and wideness and power of God's grace in ways that others may not be so privileged to experience.

If you or someone you love is facing something where there seems to be no way forward, and going back is not an option-- a 'Red Sea' time--  be of good courage.  An opportunity lies before you.  Listen to God's direction, pray for the strength to follow where God would lead... it may very well be that strength, hope and new life lie right through the middle of what you face.

Lord God, we know and trust that you love us. Certain circumstances in our lives may make it hard for us to understand how you are acting sometimes, and we may find obstacles that we just want to go around and avoid altogether.  Give us love and support to surround us, and give us the ears to hear where you would have us go... even if it is right through the middle. Amen.

Be Not Afraid, I go before you always

When Jesus^* saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. ²Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
3 ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 ‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
8 ‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 ‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely^* on my account. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.  Matthew 5:1-11 

Wasted harvest?

He said to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.  Luke 10:2

As I opened the box I knew what I'd find even before I saw the contents.  It had been sitting on our counter for longer than I want to admit, and I'd set it aside to "deal with it later".  Sure enough, inside the box were dozens of shriveled, rotting and moldy hot peppers that I'd harvested earlier.  I had dried some, but set the others aside for later.  Later never came in the storing of these peppers.

Up to this point in this growing season, I was quite proud of our track record.  In years past, due to our own busyness, my husband and I grew things in the garden, and they would sometimes go past prime.
This year, with my daily jaunts (ok, slow trudging circuits :-)  of the garden, we kept up with the harvesting better.  Until the bumper crop of hot peppers. 

I'd like to say that part of the issue was, we didn't know what to do with them, as I'd already frozen plenty, dried plenty, smoked 6 mason jars full, made salsa, and tried making hotsauce, then cooked with some, and now we were faced with many more. I'd like to say that not knowing wat to do with them was the problem, but we have several pecks of apples that I bought specifically for applesauce and pies sitting on the same counter hoping not to face the same destiny, so you can see this is a pattern with me.

Certainly part of the picture is that I've had a rough fall, physically.  However, the bigger stumbling block for me, it seems is my own wrestling with not being able to work and do things.  I go from wanting to take on projects that will help our family and safe money to believing that my efforts won't make a difference.

Jesus' words in Luke came to me this morning as I peered into the pepper box.  The harvest is plenty but the laborers are few. Obviously Jesus wasn't talking about hot peppers. He was talking about human souls.  I have been one of those scarce laborers in the past and in the present.  It used to be that I used my busyness with the church as an excuse to not keep an eye out for the 'ripeness' of people's faith.  I was too busy running from one thing to another to see the growth and struggles people were having. 

Now I have the time, but often the energy and concentration escapes me.  But a larger piece that plays into this, is the major hit my self-identity received when I became ill.  I think "Ok, the harvest is plenty, but how does he plan to use me to reach others? "  I feel too broken, too useless, too irrelevant some days because I can barely get out of bed, or my head spins from the lightheadedness.

However, Jesus never said, 'the harvest is plenty and the laborers are few so we'll take only the strongest and brightest and best.'  Jesus said the laborers are few, (and later in the book of Acts he says), the people who are willing to share God's kingdom with others will be empowered to spread the message 'to the ends of the earth.'

We see in the gospels that Jesus worked through the most unlikely to spread the good news.  He chose people that no one else did, fishermen, the Geresene demoniac (who lived in the graveyard), the woman at the well who got water in the heat of the day because she was so outcast, and many others.  Jesus worked through these folks (and works through us!) precisely because of what they (and what we!!) experience.  Their own unique experience of the world opens up doors for others that would normally not hear the Word in their daily lives.

The experiences that you and I face daily open up doors for people to hear God's message in ways that other people can't share it.  For a long time I've wrestled with the idea that God's harvest is wasting on my watch.  It is not.  God continues to choose and empower those who will help the kingdom break in.  If we are willing, God can and will work through us.   By God's grace, God can uniquely utilize the gifts we have today-- right now.  The harvest is plenty, the laborers are few. Let us remember that we are able to harvest, and none of us is without gifts to share, no matter our condition. 

Lord of all, as people fighting chronic illnesses, we are sometimes overwhelmed by the lack of energy or ability we have to do the things we used to do.  Please utilize us in your wise, gentle ways to be able to spread the Gospel.  Amen.

Friday Fun- Hallelujah Chorus -Quinhagak, Alaska

Some fun for a Friday~  Thank you to my Father-in-law for sharing this!

(No, I can't pronounce the name of the town in Alaska.  And yes, while I've seen this done before --the silent monks--- I couldn't help grinning and enjoying this as it has normal people from throughout the town involved.  Really a sense of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords at work in the whole world.  Enjoy~)

Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

Busted Heart - a prodigal's story

 Then Jesus^* said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. ¹²The younger of them said to his father, “Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.” So he divided his property between them. ¹³A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. ¹⁴When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. ¹⁶He would gladly have filled himself with^* the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. ¹⁷But when he came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! ¹⁸I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; ¹⁹I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’ ” ²⁰So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. ²¹Then the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”^{* 22}But the father said to his slaves, “Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; ²⁴for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!” And they began to celebrate.

Luke 15:11-24







Lyrics:

Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is dying tonight
And I won't try to pretend

I've got it all figured out
I don't have any doubts
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah, I need You now

(Chorus)
Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

I am the wandering son
Your love is never enough
I keep chasing the wind
Instead of chasing Your love
I'm screaming out Your name
Don't let me fall on my face
I've got a busted heart
I'm in need of a change
I'm desperate for grace

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Broke Your heart a thousand times
But You've never left my side
You have always been here for me

You never let me go
You never let me go
Don't ever let me go

Hold on to me, hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Hold on to me, take all of me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

Until it comes to an end
Soon this season will end
I'll surrender tonight
You meet me right where I am

Where?

^{1 -2} God, God...my God! Why did you dump me
      miles from nowhere?
   Doubled up with pain, I call to God
      all the day long. No answer. Nothing.
   I keep at it all night, tossing and turning.

   ^{3 -5} And you! Are you indifferent, above it all,
      leaning back on the cushions of Israel's praise?
   We know you were there for our parents:
      they cried for your help and you gave it;
      they trusted and lived a good life.

   ^{6 -8} And here I am, a nothing—an earthworm,
      something to step on, to squash.
   Everyone pokes fun at me;
      they make faces at me, they shake their heads:
   "Let's see how God handles this one;
      since God likes him so much, let him help him!"

   ^{9 -11} And to think you were midwife at my birth,
      setting me at my mother's breasts!
   When I left the womb you cradled me;
      since the moment of birth you've been my God.
   Then you moved far away
      and trouble moved in next door.
   I need a neighbor.

   ^{12 -13} Herds of bulls come at me,
      the raging bulls stampede,
   Horns lowered, nostrils flaring,
      like a herd of buffalo on the move.

   ^{14 -15} I'm a bucket kicked over and spilled,
      every joint in my body has been pulled apart.
   My heart is a blob
      of melted wax in my gut.
   I'm dry as a bone,
      my tongue black and swollen.
   They have laid me out for burial
      in the dirt.

   ^{16 -18} Now packs of wild dogs come at me;
      thugs gang up on me.
   They pin me down hand and foot,
      and lock me in a cage—a bag
   Of bones in a cage, stared at
      by every passerby.
   They take my wallet and the shirt off my back,
      and then throw dice for my clothes.

   ^{19 -21} You, God—don't put off my rescue!
      Hurry and help me!
   Don't let them cut my throat;
      don't let those mongrels devour me.
   If you don't show up soon,
      I'm done for—gored by the bulls,
      meat for the lions.

   ^{22 -24} Here's the story I'll tell my friends when they come to worship,
      and punctuate it with Hallelujahs:
   Shout Hallelujah, you God-worshipers;
      give glory, you sons of Jacob;
      adore him, you daughters of Israel.
   He has never let you down,
      never looked the other way
      when you were being kicked around.
   He has never wandered off to do his own thing;
      he has been right there, listening.

   ^{25 -26} Here in this great gathering for worship
      I have discovered this praise-life.
   And I'll do what I promised right here
      in front of the God-worshipers.
   Down-and-outers sit at God's table
      and eat their fill.
   Everyone on the hunt for God
      is here, praising him.
   "Live it up, from head to toe.
      Don't ever quit!"

   ^{27 -28} From the four corners of the earth
      people are coming to their senses,
      are running back to God.
   Long-lost families
      are falling on their faces before him.
   God has taken charge;
      from now on he has the last word.

   ²⁹ All the power-mongers are before him
      —worshiping!
   All the poor and powerless, too
      —worshiping!
   Along with those who never got it together
      —worshiping!

   ^{30 -31} Our children and their children
      will get in on this
   As the word is passed along
      from parent to child.
   Babies not yet conceived
      will hear the good news—
      that God does what he says.

Psalm 22  The Message


"From rage to rejoicing", he said.  My friend, mentor and colleague, Denny surprised me with a phone call today. It was one of those God-moments, when I heard from the person I really needed to, at the time I needed.  One year ago today, after having great trouble physically making it through worship, I drove home as the Sr. Interim Pastor, and I never drove back in that role again. It was a year ago today that I worked for the last time.

As Denny and I talked he mentioned the Psalms, and how remarkable it is to hear the Psalmist go from rage, through various emotions and then come out rejoicing. I immediately thought of Psalm 22, which starts out with "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me,' and ends with "I will tell of your greatness to  a people yet unborn.' What happened in between?  Remembrance of promises.

The psalmist remembered God's promises, and God's faithfulness in keeping promises.  When God promises, it is as good as done.  The word dabar in Hebrew translates as to both say and do.  And when used in describing God, it is understood that when God says something, God will do it. 

This past year has helped me to understand this Psalm so much more. There have been days (even VERY recently) when I have wondered, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Yes, times of chronic illness can feel completely "God-forsaken".  And yet through the support of family, friends, friends that are just like family, and many loving people, I have heard once again the promises:
 "I am with you always to the end of the age."
 "I am the bread of life"
 "I am the resurrection and the life"
 "In my father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you." 
  "I am the way, the truth, and the life."
  "I am the Good Shepherd. The good Shepherd lays his life down for the sheep." 

And there are so many more. Today, and this week, I will be reflecting on what this one-year anniversary means to me.  What it means for today is that God has been with me throughout the year-- from times of rage to times of joy and celebration and back and forth again.   God is present in our lives, no matter what we face.

Dearest Lord, as we come to terms with our illnesses,  give us the patience, wisdom and faith we need for this journey, no matter how long it takes or what we face.  Amen.

I've Always Loved You - Third Day

 "Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.’"  Jeremiah 1: 4-5 

Some tender words from an extravagantly loving God....words I needed to hear on this morning I'm not feeling very well...and words I want to share with you.  May they touch your heart and spirit as they did mine.

peace,
Andrea