2For he says,
‘At an acceptable time I have listened to you,
and on a day of salvation I have helped you.’
See, now is the acceptable time; see, now is the day of salvation! 2 Corinthians 6:2 NRSV
It is always difficult, I think, to start back to something from which we've moved away, whether it is an exercise plan, an eating plan or a blogging schedule. All the New Year's resolutions demonstrate that this is not an unusual experience for most people. We become busy, or ill, or tired, or life happens and we drop away from our routines.
As a person living with and through chronic illness, I think that is a double edged sword for me. My personality type is one that thrives on change, yet I've found over the past year especially, that routines are very important for my daily functioning. To move away from the routines takes away some of the momentum from my day, and yet trying to get back into routines seems to take even more energy than before I was ill. I need routines to help my energy, and yet when I'm out of them it takes even more energy to get back into them. It is paradoxical, I know...
As I ponder this, it strikes me that, in my own life, when I naturally stop doing something, instead of just picking up again, I wrestle with a blanket of "failure" that I've thrown over myself. It seems to tie into perfection-- if I can't keep a discipline fully, I must be a failure. If I can't keep a routine, I must be a failure...If I can't get healthy.... well, you see where this goes in my head...
This sense of failure is an additional and unnecessary burden that I lay upon myself. All of the things I named above (and many other things that I COULD name) are not indications of failure...they are indications that I am a human being with finite limits of time, energy and power. I don't like that. I don't like that I have limits at all.
The good news is that God isn't so finicky about looking at us. God sees us/me very clearly. God knows who I am...knows who we are ... without question, but with an enormous amount of love.
I balk at the idea of needing a savior-- of needing anyone-- because I think I'm supposed to do everything on my own. To that, God gently brings me back to reality with the birth of Jesus. We were given a savior because that's what we needed. We weren't given someone who will push us harder, ride us harder until we finally get it right. We were given the gift of one who understands God, and understands humanity differently, and puts himself into the middle of this struggle to destroy the "failure" blanket, and to instead wrap us in his nail scarred arms...
Perhaps this year I might be able to see that a new year is not about working harder, or pushing myself harder, but opening my heart to the acceptance and renewing grace of God. And when I fall on my face because I forgot that...may God once again remind me that salvation is here-- not because I work at it, but because God already has accomplished it.
Indescribable God, this new year...this new day, may you open my eyes to see my need for your saving grace, and help me to see that even before I knew it, your grace already has been holding me.
ps-- to all the blog readers--
I do apologize for the lack of posting this past month. I'm continuing to have health issues with my Gastrointestinal Tract, and tests continue. I've been using the energy I have to focus on immediate family during this holiday season, and now that a usual routine is back in place, I plan and hope to be posting here more. Thank you for your understanding and patience with this.
peace,
Andrea
Amen.
‘At an acceptable time I have listened to you,
and on a day of salvation I have helped you.’
See, now is the acceptable time; see, now is the day of salvation! 2 Corinthians 6:2 NRSV
It is always difficult, I think, to start back to something from which we've moved away, whether it is an exercise plan, an eating plan or a blogging schedule. All the New Year's resolutions demonstrate that this is not an unusual experience for most people. We become busy, or ill, or tired, or life happens and we drop away from our routines.
As a person living with and through chronic illness, I think that is a double edged sword for me. My personality type is one that thrives on change, yet I've found over the past year especially, that routines are very important for my daily functioning. To move away from the routines takes away some of the momentum from my day, and yet trying to get back into routines seems to take even more energy than before I was ill. I need routines to help my energy, and yet when I'm out of them it takes even more energy to get back into them. It is paradoxical, I know...
As I ponder this, it strikes me that, in my own life, when I naturally stop doing something, instead of just picking up again, I wrestle with a blanket of "failure" that I've thrown over myself. It seems to tie into perfection-- if I can't keep a discipline fully, I must be a failure. If I can't keep a routine, I must be a failure...If I can't get healthy.... well, you see where this goes in my head...
This sense of failure is an additional and unnecessary burden that I lay upon myself. All of the things I named above (and many other things that I COULD name) are not indications of failure...they are indications that I am a human being with finite limits of time, energy and power. I don't like that. I don't like that I have limits at all.
The good news is that God isn't so finicky about looking at us. God sees us/me very clearly. God knows who I am...knows who we are ... without question, but with an enormous amount of love.
I balk at the idea of needing a savior-- of needing anyone-- because I think I'm supposed to do everything on my own. To that, God gently brings me back to reality with the birth of Jesus. We were given a savior because that's what we needed. We weren't given someone who will push us harder, ride us harder until we finally get it right. We were given the gift of one who understands God, and understands humanity differently, and puts himself into the middle of this struggle to destroy the "failure" blanket, and to instead wrap us in his nail scarred arms...
Perhaps this year I might be able to see that a new year is not about working harder, or pushing myself harder, but opening my heart to the acceptance and renewing grace of God. And when I fall on my face because I forgot that...may God once again remind me that salvation is here-- not because I work at it, but because God already has accomplished it.
Indescribable God, this new year...this new day, may you open my eyes to see my need for your saving grace, and help me to see that even before I knew it, your grace already has been holding me.
ps-- to all the blog readers--
I do apologize for the lack of posting this past month. I'm continuing to have health issues with my Gastrointestinal Tract, and tests continue. I've been using the energy I have to focus on immediate family during this holiday season, and now that a usual routine is back in place, I plan and hope to be posting here more. Thank you for your understanding and patience with this.
peace,
Andrea
Amen.
2 comments:
Dear Anfrea,
I hope your health issues give you some respite. I pray the tests will reveal a solution. God Bless!
Thank you for your kind words and wishes~ blessings to you too.
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