Growing at a different pace

 "He put before them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in his field; it is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest of shrubs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.’ "  Matthew 13:31-32

One of the new 'mantras' in my life is "Take things at my pace."  This has been a learning that has taken me over 3 years to start to comprehend.  Being in an upright position physicailly can affect me (and others with dysautonomia) differently on different days depending upon heat, hormones, how much sleep I had, what I've eaten, and other combinations of things. 

I've always been a very driven person, and encountered life at full speed. Now, I wasn't taking unusual risks, I just was always on the move, always thinking of the next thing.  I was very often running on a timetable set by someone else, and I would adapt my life and schedule to meet those other needs; be it the needs of the church, or family or society.  It was rare that I would slow down long enough to ask what I wanted and needed. What I 'needed' was to fit into what others' expected of me.

My 'New Normal' with POTS has changed that...not always, but often.  POTS knocked me flat on my back, and I realize that I had one option...to listen to what my body needed.  I may look like a 'normal' mid-fortish woman, but my body cannot do what others' bodies do naturally.  It cannot regulate my body's reaction automatically to heat, gravity  or stress in the same ways, and there's a cost to facing these things. 
It is not a visable difference, but it is a huge difference nonetheless.

Jesus talks about tthe Kingdom of God coming in amazing ways through ordinary looking things. Tiny, inconsequential appearing specks have great growth, and purpose, as Jesus compares the coming of the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed. 

I find Jesus' words comforting today. The experience of this summer's garden has reminded me that different seeds grow at different rates, and some that I thought would be plentiful produced diddly-squat, while those I had written off or ignored have produced abundant crop.

Taking life at "my own pace" often feels tiny and inconsequential.  I'm not the busy, obviously "important because I'm so busy" person.  Growing at our own God-given rate, is also against the judging eyes of outsiders.  "Nothing LOOKS wrong...she or he must be lazy."  when the opposite is true.

We are on a journey and God is the one bringing the growth.  Taking life at our own pace is a way to respect the needs of our own body and soul, and it is a way to witness to the God who brings in the blessings of God's kingdom in so many ways...in God's own time. 

Loving God, thank you for this beautiful reminder through Jesus' parable. No matter what we look like, or what activities may or may not be able to do, help us to put our hearts into growing in faith. Make tiny seed of our lives burst forth with life and blossom in your time.  Amen.