Honest with God

" As a deer longs for flowing streams,
   so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
   for the living God.
When shall I come and behold
   the face of God?
My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me continually,
   ‘Where is your God?’
 These things I remember,
   as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng,^*
   and led them in procession to the house of God,
with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving,
   a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
   and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
   my help and my God."

Psalm 42:1-6 NRSV

The writer of the Psalms knows the territory of long-term struggle very well.  You can hear it in his voice, again and again: the frustration, the questions, the anger-- yet also the trust, and dependence upon God. 

Living in a time where ( I was told) that you need to answer 'fine' when people question you, and when we're encouraged to gloss over the painful parts of life, the Psalmist (Likely David) comes to us with refreshing honesty about what he is facing.  Here is also a wonderful honesty with God.  It is like he is saying "God this is what I am going through....no one else may be willing to listen, but I need YOU to listen, God. "

David's words show the depths of his wilderness struggle, but also the depths of his trust in God.  One of the odd benefits of chronic illness is that it is hard to have pretenses anymore...they take too much energy.  That honesty with loved ones can be healing.  At the same time, we see that God does not smote us if we're honest with God.  Honesty brings a deeper, more trusting relationship---  even with God.

Today I encourage us all to be Honest with God regarding our feelings and needs, and realize that this is an opportunity to grow closer to God.

Dear God, this territory is hard, and we get weary, discouraged, angry whether we are fighting illness or helping another fight illness. Help us to grow deeper in relationship with you as we share honestly with you what we are experiencing today, and assure us that you want to support and care for us in all parts of our life. Amen.