But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
~ Isaiah 40:31, NLT
Two years ago this week, I was on my way from Confirmation Camp to an important meeting at an unfamiliar church. It was a 3 hour trip along Amish back-country roads, in a beautiful part of our state...except I couldn't see it. It was a cool, still, June morning, and the fog had settled into the hills. As I moved through the curving country-side, I'd come to the top of a rise, only to have the road below disappear into the mist.
I had never used a GPS system, but because I had my husband's truck, I was able to experience one for the first time. After I turned the sound off (her voice was a little unsettling at 6 am in the fog!) I began to trust that the Garmin could see farther than I was able, and could give me a clue about what lay over the next ridge. It was a grueling trip, but a safe one, and I learned much about the value of having trust in something that could see the next step when I could not.
The Bible passage from Isaiah brought to mind this early morning fog adventure. It reminded me of time in my life where the path ahead was uncertain, and yet, I was being called to move ahead for a purpose, and to trust that forward movement was possible, even though everything within me wanted to "stay put" and not take nother step.
The lesson from Isaiah is a powerful one. Being told that you will "walk and not faint" is a pretty remarkable promise to someone with Dysautonomia, as fainting is an ever-present threat for so many of us. Uncertainty about our daily health; how we will feel, how much we can do, what our limits might be that day-- is part of the landscape of chronic illness. It is like traveling an unfamiliar road in the fog. When we travel without fog, we take for granted that our movements are based upon what we can see coming up. Before I lived with chronic illness, I took for granted that I could trust my daily (and long-term) plans on what I could 'see' coming ahead. My trust was in my own perceptions and my own 'sight'.
Chronic Illness has given me the gift of having to trust outside of myself... to trust those who have survived Chronic Illness before, to trust in the people God has placed in my life who can give me an idea of how to keep moving forward, to trust that God's Holy Spirit knows and will lead me safely ahead, especially when I can't see the path unfolding in front of me. To trust that I will be led and sustained by God even when the fog of illness keeps me from seeing.
What are you experiencing today? Is today a clear day where you are able to see a bit down the road and relax a bit, or is today a pea-soup-thick day of illness blocking your view? Whatever your view is today, know that you are sustained and in the care of One who sees the path ahead clearly, and who will give you the strength and the safety to travel in His care.
Holy God, you know our paths and our days better than we do. When we get bogged down in the fog of pain and uncertainty, show us the way out. Show us your way in the midst of our disorientation. Amen.
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