" Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful" 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
During the hot afternoons over the past several weeks, the kids and I have taken our afternoon 'siestas' while watching the show "Bridezillas". It is a show that chronicles the activities and attitudes of some brides'-to-be and their families and wedding parties. I have to admit I can only watch one or two shows in a row, as the attitudes and behavior wear thin on my nerves.
But, I've been fascinated at the response of my children to the show as the grown women on Bridezillas throw major-league tantrums. It is heartening to hear my children comment on how immature, or selfish or simply wrong-minded the people on the show can be. A major theme is that the wedding is "all about the bride"-- "all about me and making ME happy" and the women (usually) have very strong reactions when even little things don't go the way they want.
Our kids are tweens and teens, and rightfully (developmentally speaking) are in a stage where life does seem to revolve around them and their needs. And yet through the gentle guidance of teachers, grandparents and a community of people who love and believe in them, they've been taught that life isn't only about making them happy. In fact, the compassion, understanding and care that the kids have shown during my years of illness has truly humbled me, and made me wonder if they've had to mature a bit too quickly in that regard. Unfortunately, as my husband and I have walked through navigating this chronic illness territory, so have our kids. This is a territory where tantrums really don't fly (at least not for long-- even from me ;-), and coping with the tough terrain means leaning on each other and caring for each other.
This chronic illness territory teaches the hard lesson that things DON'T always go just as we want them. I would guess that everyone reading this blog has had to face something about this journey that they didn't expect, and in all likelihood did not want. And yet, an important part of traveling this territory is learning to face and cope with what is really happening. It is hard to face reality, whether that's the reality of marriage and a new relationship or the reality that our mental and/or physical health is not what we were planning it would be.
Another lesson that chronic illness teaches is that no matter how much attention our condition requires, it is not ultimately about us. This is a tough thing for me to articulate, for often we do face procedures, tests and dr. appointments that are about us, but at the same time, the sustained energy of daily life requires us to focus on others around us as well. A number of folks with chronic illness have found that doing something to help others (however we are able) helps to bring a healthy balance and perspective to what we are facing. Even when we might have ever reason (and perhaps desire!) to make things "all about us", eventually that attitude is something that just cannot be sustained for very long. There are much more enduring attitudes and qualities that actually make our lives much more endurable and even allow us to thrive in this new territory of chronic health.
Those attitudes and qualities are some that St. Paul listed in his letter to the Corinthians: patience, kindness, generosity (not envy) humility (not arrogance or boasting), understanding and civility (not rude); selflessness and respect (not demanding own way or act resentful). The attributes that St. Paul listed in just these two sentences can help make a difference in how we travel on this road of long-term illness. The negative energies will wear out our bodies and souls and block us from being open to experiencing the blessing and grace that flows toward us every minute of every day.
Does that mean that we're NEVER selfish or arrogant or rude as people with illness, or the partners and caregivers that live with people who live with illness? Of course not! Of course there are times when we can give the Bridezillas a run for the money-- when I can slam a door with the best of them, or grumble and be snippy out of frustration and weariness. However, chronic illness can season our attitudes and behaviors in powerful ways. It places us in a position where we get very good practice at patience, kindness and all the rest of the postitive attitudes that St. Paul holds up.
Today I invite you to think of one area in your life and attitudes that chronic illness has seasoned in a positive way-- something that you had to change so that others could live with you, and you could ultimately live with yourself. What positive trait do you have now that you may not have had as fully before? How are you responding in a more mature, powerful way that you hadn't done before?
I doubt it would make it into syndication, but I suspect it would make an interesting interaction...the chronic health survivors vs. Bridezillas--- I suspect we'd have a bit to teach ;-).
Dear Lord, sometimes it takes the surprising reactions of others to help us to see our own reactions more clearly. May our time in this territory one that strengthens the best qualities you've given us. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment