Happy for a CPAP??

" I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. "  Romans 8:18  NRSV

Chronic illness is indeed an odd territory.  It changes your perspective more than you'd ever dream.  Just a couple of years ago, when I heard about CPAP machines which aid sleep apnea patients in breathing at night, the thought of strapping a face mask on and keeping it on all night seemed unthinkable.  I never imagined I could put up with such a contraption.

Yesterday I received my own CPAP, and truly couldn't wait to go to bed so I could use it.  What changed?  My perception.  Originally, I was judging the use of the CPAP from the comfortable, restful night sleep with which I was familiar.  Any kind of assistance seemed like a nuisance at best, and more likely an invasion of my night.

However, night after night of fatigued sleep and days without energy, has changed my view.   The CPAP is something that I perceive to be an aid and something that will give me bigger relief from a real problem.  The aid no longer seems to be a nuisance when put up against poor sleep quality.  A large part of this change of perception also comes from having traveled a road of truly uncomfortable and even painful tests.  We have come through struggles in hope of real relief for our greater problem...problematic health...and it is worth the temporary inconvenience and "suffering"  of the tests and tools to help solve our greater issues.

This came into sharp relief when I found I was excited as a kid on Christmas Eve when I got the call the machine was in, and also heard comments from well-meaning people that said they were sorry I had to "put up"  with the CPAP. Our perceptions shape how we face what lies ahead, and the road behind us shapes our perceptions.

Pondering all these thoughts, St. Paul's words from the 8th Chapter of Romans came to mind.  I have to admit that I've struggled with this text in the past.  It seemed to me that it was a way of denying the reality of pain and suffering now and replacing it with a "pie in the sky" image.  It wasn't until this present journey of health issues that I could start to really appreciate the depth of what Paul is saying.  Paul was no stranger to suffering:  he was beaten, imprisoned more times than I can remember, ship-wrecked, hungry, and facing chronic illness as well.  Paul is one who knew real suffering in his life on many levels.  He was not one to ever deny the reality of pain, but he had an unique perception of it due to the roads he'd traveled.  What we're facing now will pale in comparison to the greatness of what's to come.

To say it another way, the relief and healing that will come in the end is worth all the testing, all the contraptions that we need to wrestle with now.  All that we are wrestling with in our faith now will be worth what is to come. Like looking forward to the CPAP, perhaps I can look at spiritual struggles with joy and excitement, for I know what they will bring:  peace, belonging, mercy, compassion and unconditional love. 

God of Grace, help us to not only bear the burdens of this day, but help us to dare to embrace the challenges as the next step toward coming closer to you.  Help us to see how our perceptions have already changed because of this journey, and encourage us especially in the struggles and challenges on the road ahead.  Amen.