When you come to the end of your rope...

Today I will shift away from the transition reflections. Once a week I will have one or two of those reflections as we go along, but today we're solely back to scripture--and this is a set of verses within a larger chapter that melts and warms my heart every single time. 

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:28-29  NRSV

You have likely heard the phrase "at the end of your rope". It is that point at which we can take no more. It is the "up" with which we can no longer "put".  The straw that broke the camel's back.  It is that place where we are tired, bone-weary, soul-weary, and we see no more options. We feel trapped and for the life of us can see no way out. 

One of the 'sage' bits of wisdom about this end-of-the-rope-place is that when you get there, you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on.  I don't particularly like this wisdom...I've tried it.  It doesn't work.  I think back over the years of working with congregations and that place where I'm at the end of my rope.  Frustrated with some challenge in the congregation, or within myself, I'd start thinking there were no other options.  My creativity would dry up and my vision would become a tunnel. 

I think of health challenges over the past years and months, and I recall day after day, waking exhausted and aching, and telling myself just one more day...just one more Sunday then I could rest.  I kept pushing through the warning signs my body was giving that it was at the end of its rope too.  If only I could talk myself into having more courage to hang on...if only I could persevere one more day it would be better...if only I could cling to those faulty thoughts and actions that brought me to this place, certainly tomorrow would be different.  Like a Boy Scout at camp, I became really good at tying knots.  The only problem is that eventually you just run out of rope...and strength.  Eventually you make a knot that is either too big to tie, or too big to hold onto.  And you fall.

Nov. 7, 2010 was when I could no longer hold onto the rope.  I could no longer just hold on for one more day. I couldn't pretend any longer that I didn't have a sickness, or that if I just coped with it right it wouldn't have to change my life.  The illness was real, and so was the end of the rope.

I've often said, "When you come to the end of your rope, let go. You will be caught by God's Grace every single time."  I've said it, but when it came time for me to DO it, I was much more comfortable trying to do the things that didn't work.  That's the definition of insanity, you know--trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I had convinced myself that if only I worked harder... if only I could be better at...(whatever) it would change... but it didn't change.  It wore me out to the place that I couldn't hold on no matter how hard I tried.  And so I let go.

Now, it took (and is taking!) time to do this.  After a life-time of rope-clinging, one doesn't become good at letting go overnight.  Not by a long-shot.  It is taking me time to pry my hands off, thread after thread. However, what I'm finding, time and again is that when I do let go, God catches me.  Every. Single. Time.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."  

Did you catch that?  Did you hear that?  Nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God. Nothing. Not illness, not manic or depressive episodes, not PTSD, not surgeries, or losses of job or friends, not crazy tests, or stress.  Nothing will take God's eye off of us so that we are missed.  No, God loves us and is attentive to where we are and what we're going through. We are never alone, and we are never without the net of Grace to tenderly catch us...even when it looks like letting go will destroy us.

Time and again, I've discovered to my surprise and delight, when I've surrendered and let go, I've found God opening up new options, and new ways of living.  Letting go of the rope isn't the ending, it is the beginning.

Where are you on your 'rope'?  What would it take for you to let go and risk being caught by Grace?
It is not a common choice that people make, but it is a choice that can make all the difference in  the world. It is a choice that leads to life.

Dear Lord, sometimes we reach the end of our rope and we don't have the strength to carry on physically, mentally, or spiritually.  Help us surrender to your love today, and help us to know that we are held by your Grace.  Amen.