Compassion- A.L.W.A.Y.S.

"If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together with it. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it." 1 Corinthians 12: 26-27

I’ve written about having compassion for ourselves a couple of times in the past week. Today I’d like to focus on compassion for others.  Whether we are wrestling with chronic conditions or are supporting those who wrestle with chronic conditions, compassion is a very valuable gift for ourselves and for others.  The word compassion comes from the Greek meaning ‘to suffer with’ or ‘to suffer alongside’.  Another way to describe it would be to walk along with those going through a journey of suffering. 

Compassion as ‘walking with those who suffer’ goes against most anything we’re taught in society. We want those who are hurting to hurry up and get over “IT”, whether “IT” is illness, or grief, or a soul wound like trauma or abuse.  We want to hear ‘good’ news…that things are getting better, or there’s some improvement or that this long journey is ending.  I’ve found that whether we’re dealing with a congregation that is healing, or a person that is trying to heal, the process often takes longer than they want…and longer than we want. 

I know my urge in the face of another’s suffering is to want to ‘fix’ it. But there are some kinds of healing and some kinds of illness that don’t work that way.  There are things that are difficult to diagnose, difficult to treat, and there are some wounds that take time and a lot of work and care to heal.  Our society’s push to ‘get better’ can sometimes make that struggling person feel like they’re doing something wrong, or that they’re disappointing other people.

So how can we help? 

I’d like to suggest that there’s several things we can do that can really bring encouragement, support and yes, even be a channel for God’s healing:  It’s called  A.L.W.A.Y.S. :

Ask

Listen

Wait

Ask again

You- are the focus of my care

Stay with it

As I mentioned in the intro to the blog, I’ve been very blessed to be learning about a whole different journey that folks encounter with chronic conditions.  One of the first things I learned was how important it was for me to have someone truly ASK how I was.  Health concerns right now are often been in the forefront of my mind, so when someone asks, and really wants to know how I’m doing, that is a very caring gift to me. It

opens up the door for me to get a bit of the burden off my shoulders by telling someone else how I really feel.

The next great gift I’ve found is when people LISTEN carefully.  When they are truly concerned about what I’m facing, and not thinking about what they are going to say next, it is very supportive. A really good listener is a joy to be around, and it is a skill that I still have to work at as I try and listen to others.

Sometimes, depending upon the day, you may have to WAIT for an answer.  If I’m having a really lousy day, but I have to keep functioning, I may tell you everything is fine.  Later I may share what I was really facing.  Another important WAIT is to wait with those who suffer through their whole illness.  This is a very challenging part of compassion. I have to confess that there are times when I’ve wanted to run from difficult struggles that people have, but over time I’ve learned that it is a huge honor and privilege to have people open their hearts and lives and allow you to walk with them through the worst times.  Those journeys often take longer than the individual feels they can bear, but having the company of a loving and supportive friend can help them find the courage to see things through.  Take a deep breath and expect that things may not resolve as nearly as you may be comfortable with…compassion, after all, does mean to ‘suffer with’.  It will help if we can prepare ourselves by expecting that it will be challenging as we continue to care and walk with the other.

Then comes ASK again.  Even if you think you know how the person is doing, is it is helpful to ask.  Things may not change with my POTS very often, but it continues to be a huge blessing when friends don’t forget that I’m on this long road.  Because this is unfamiliar territory, we may not know what to say after a while.  Good questions can be those like  “What is it like for you to be experiencing this?”  “I’d like to pray for you, what would you like me to pray for?”  “What do you find that encourages you?”  “How can I (or my family) be of help to you today?

This next one is related to listening.  It is to remember that YOU (the person we’re listening to and caring for) is the focus of our attention. It takes a lot of attention and intention to not turn the focus of our visits on things that we are doing, or what is going on in our lives. Partly because “to suffer with” another means helping shoulder their suffering and it is uncomfortable, it is an easy habit to change the subject. I have often heard people in hospital rooms dominating the conversation, and talking about their problems.  I continue to have to remember that the other person is the focus of my care. I’ve come to be there for them, not vice-versa. A good question to check this in ourselves is: who is this visit for?

Finally, the last part is to STAY…but not how you might think.  For someone who is ill, or facing great distress, long visits can be exhausting and difficult.  I remember times in the hospital, or at home when all I wanted to do was just sleep because I was so ill.  If you visit, pay attention to staying a short time if the person is in a lot of pain, or very fatigued.  Shorter, more frequent visits are often better.  The second part of this is that continuing to keep in touch encourages your loved one to know that you are going to keep walking this journey with them.  It is a huge gift to know that there are folks who are choosing to stay in this journey for the long haul, simply because they love you.

Dear Lord, thank you for Jesus who truly suffered with humanity and showed us your loving heart. Whether I am healthy or ill this day, whole or hurting, help me to share compassion with someone.  Amen.