"New Normal"

“And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b

Three years ago this month, I was sitting in a meeting when my ears began to ring. A metallic taste came to my mouth, and I realized that I was about to pass out.  Being the control freak that I am, I didn’t want anyone to know that I wasn’t feeling well, and so I quietly excused myself and went into the hallway.  I got a drink of water, and felt the cooler air (it was incredibly hot in the room), and began to feel better. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, and the lightheadedness wouldn’t leave.    With a history of cardiac problems in my family, I called my family doctor the next day, and that’s when the journey became really interesting.

What followed was nine months of tests that all came back normal, while at the same time I consistently felt just lousy.  I wrestled day to day to keep moving and functioning, and began to wonder if I was going crazy.  With the help of an incredible family doctor I was able to get into Cleveland Clinic where I was diagnosed with a syndrome I’d never heard of, and a treatment plan that was far from cut and dried.

Three years ago my life changed drastically.  At first all I wanted was to ‘get back to normal’ -- although those who know me well would swear I’ve never been normal ;-) .  Through all the tests I found myself hoping and expecting that they could find out what was happening and give me medicine and it would be fixed.  I learned that not all illness works that way.  Sometimes you have to set your sights on a ‘new normal’.

That new normal will be different for each person, but a significant part of the new way of life will include the changes that the illness brings.  Even folks who are helped by medications have to include taking that medication (and perhaps dealing with any side-effects) as part of their new life.   Living into a ‘new normal’ takes courage, a sense of adventure and well, a bit of stubbornness—the kind of stubbornness that keeps you going even after things don’t quite work as you planned.

With my experience in pastoral ministry I expected that this change to a new normal would mean experiencing a sense of loss—and it did.  But what surprised me were the gifts that also came.  I’ve had the gift of seeing life from a perspective I never knew before, and I’ve been incredibly blessed by the companionship of those who have been living the ‘new normal’ of illness for quite some time.  

The most tender and amazing gift has been the first-hand experience and understanding of God’s presence in the deepest depths of everyday life.  It has been the gentle comfort and grace of God that has kept me going, even when I have had no more strength of my own. 

Are you facing a ‘new normal’?  Perhaps you’ve just been diagnosed, or have just started facing illness and are seeking diagnosis; perhaps you’ve been managing well and are facing a relapse; perhaps you have had new symptoms or are facing the side-effects of new meds—wherever you are, please know that you are not alone.  There are others who know what this journey is like, even if they don’t have the same symptoms.  There are folks who have compassion and understanding for this journey—and I hope you may find some of that understanding right here. 

Most of all, the God who is bigger than any changes or challenges we face cares about you deeply, and wishes to be with you in every part of this journey.

Dear Lord, sometimes changes in our lives knock us off our feet, and we have to learn to live in new ways.  Help us to face this day, and show us your presence and love in a way that becomes real for us.  Amen