Rough days

 “ Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.” Genesis 1: 26a; 31

Some days just hurt. There’s no two ways around it. For many people with chronic illness, a very big part of the ‘new normal’ that I spoke about yesterday is the truth that some days are just plain hard.  Many of us live with an already increased discomfort level on a daily basis. I chuckled to myself whenever I would go to the specialist and they would ask, “Do you have any pain?”  Do you mean, unusual pain, or do you want me to tell you about the ache in that ankle that I live with daily, or this headache I’ve had most of the week?  Our new normal may take for granted a certain level of nausea, pain, anxiety, depression, or lightheadedness each day.

 But then there are THOSE days.   We may not  speak about it often, because others around us hope that we are finding improvement, but there are days that wear us out, seem endless, and are very difficult.  When I first started dealing with ongoing illness, I found the really difficult days extremely discouraging.  With acute illness, there is a course that the illness runs, and after a few days of feeling lousy, you usually start to feel better, or you go to the doctor and get some meds that will help you feel better.

Ongoing illness doesn’t work that way.  There are days where I may almost feel good again.  My old way of thinking kicks in and I start hoping that I’m on an upswing and then a really rough day, or week (or longer) may set in.  I often do not know what triggers a really difficult spell—it may be the weather, or hormonal changes, or any of a hundred other variables in this intricately and wonderfully made body I have. 

So, what helps? What doesn’t help is a behavior that I often slip into called ‘beating myself up’.  I get frustrated with a bad day, and it is very easy for me to blame myself for it, or berate myself for not being stronger or just being lazy.  These things are not true. We are facing illness.  I would never say to someone else that they are weak, or lazy—so why is it ok for me to say it to myself?  It’s not, and in fact, it will only drain more of the precious energy I have that day.

What helps?  Compassion and understanding for ourselves… to treat ourselves with the gentle care that we would give someone else.  What that care looks like differs for each of us, and likely differs depending upon which symptoms are flaring up.   In writing today’s article, I am inspired to write down a list of things that can help me through the worst days.  I know that in bad days, my brain goes blank (even more than usual!!)  and solutions escape me.  Having a list of possibilities in front of me will help me and those who support me when the rough days hit.

We have been lovingly and creatively made by God in God’s own image. Illness cannot change that. May our next rough day be an opportunity to practice compassion and tender care for ourselves as we care for this unique part of creation that is our body and mind.

Dear Lord,  Help me be gentle to myself on the days that are very difficult.  Stir in me a healing kind of self-understanding and compassion, that your love and creative power may flow through my heart and body.  Help me through these days.  Amen.